From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: It is not a wonder that I love you . . .
Date: Sat, 6 Jul 2002 14:05:10 -0500

A beautiful letter from you, thank you, each one is a gift and I eagerly take them as such; taking them as I do your minutes, your hours, your days, your energy, your love. I hold, I hoard, them to my heart.

MySteveMan, laying on the floor, Joseph next to you, I saw you and I felt my love for both. In a moment I remembered Luis, Marcela, Carol on the couch in Seville as I walked in the room after getting my cigarettes. I recalled the love I have for Luis and Marcela and I felt it overlaid by the love I have for you and for Joseph. I was frightened to recognize that once more and felt I shouldn't be there; that I should have walked away with my heart full of love for the two of you. Just as I did that last night in Seville; love unchanging, undiminished by time and space. I didn't want anything to hurt that love, nothing to move it away from my being; not knowing what to do, how to move forward.

The need for your love is greater than the need to preserve that moment; I stayed, I would let the moment pass and grow and I would grow with it. I would be with your love, I would feel your love, I would see your love and feel my love for you deepen. It deepened as Joseph laid his head on you, as you held hands, as I watched the smile on your face. I now know why. All the uncompleted, all the failings, all the times I turned my back on love stop now.

All the love I ever felt for anyone is still in me, always has been, always will be. Love is infinite, love is boundless as the sea. I feel it wash over us. Love is not monogamous, I knew that all along. Guy felt that in me; he wanted it to be monogamous, I wanted it to be monogamous because he did. How did I cut off my love for others during that time? I only hid it, not acting on it, an act more shameful than any. I will not do it again. Love bottled, love restrained, like the earth's life blood, magma, spewing forth in waves destroying all in its path, poisoning the air; countless generations before renewal: no more. Instead, let it lap the shores as the sea, as it does the countless grains of sand there, the countless lives of countless souls. Let it hug them, love them, nourish them, care for them. Let it join, let it grow, let it get all that much bigger, all that much deeper, all that much powerful.
Any more words are less. How can I end this as I've ended emails before? Can
I end this? No. Huggs Kisses Love Caring In any order :Spencer