From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: Calming down, him; . . .
Date: Sat, 13 Jul 2002 09:12:03 -0500

EMAIL: INRE: "Stand between the world and me"

. . . He astounded me the night we returned, when he came back and wanted me to stand between the world and him; to try to keep him from going wrong that evening. We talked late, he was a bit high, not terribly so, we drank wine slowly and talked a great deal. As we sat on the chest by your window, he said: "My job is to have you and Steve look out for me. That's why I am here. I need you two to love and care for me to help me from doing all the things that hurt me. To help fight the things that will harm me." He rephrased that several times, always coming back to "My job is . . ."
Steve, he was so different when he was talking like that, light from outside him, light from inside him. His words were perfectly enunciated, well chosen words, no smoke influence, no alcohol influence; all of that gone before he went to sleep on top of that chest. Who is Joe? I feel strongly that Joe is Eros. He's a match with him but he is a metamorphosizing Eros.
We expected war with the dark lord, we expected to gird our loins and to take up arms. We expected this before his appearance. I did not expect to take up arms in defense of another, other than ourselves, in selfishness of my love for you. I, who has been watched and guarded, never expected this. I, one who has desired the fruition of a greatest love in the physical sense, will find the greatest love in my heart instead of in my arms or in my bed. It is not what Romeo expected, I thought there were no more lessons to be learned. My mistake is that I thought the lessons were over; they are only now being finished. I thought my books are to be messages to the world, they are that, they are also messages to me. Recount your lessons, Spencer, review what you have studied and recognize what has happened.