Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2004 09:28:57 -0800 (PST)

I was in a dream - scurrying about a small airport terminal, as I'd checked in too early,
and they weren't ready for me. I went to the washroom, and I leaked pee on my white jeans. There was a separate turnstyle line for towels and water, of course. Hahah! Some lady there was running around what looked like a miniature golf course layout with a toy bunny on a stick which a toy cat chased! I told her it was nice, but I had a flight to catch. I finally
skipped the whole thing and ran back out to the main area.

I was chewing a wad of bubble gum and it began to clump in my mouth and was sticking to my teeth and lips. I was following two men around the lines of people, to get past them and get to the boarding pass counter. I stopped to scrape the gum off my face, and told one of the guys, "I cannot chew gum, but it's better than smoking." He agreed.

As we were going thru the last turnstyle, I noticed this guy was a bear, as he began to change his T-shirt, in line. He had fur on his shoulders, but not a lot elsewhere. I found it sort of attractive, but only slightly so. We were in plenty of time for our flight, but I woke up just then. . . The End

. . . In same email to Spencer:
I hope you connect with that Michael. If he's like
most of the behrs, he'll need you to lead him around
and make all the decisions for him. Then whine and
bitch when he doesn't like something. Which will turn
out to be most EVERYthing in the world except broadway
music and fattening foods! HAHAHAH! But then, ya
never know????? He's certainly willing to make a
connect! That's a good sign. Or a bad sign, Dohhh!
Puss puss cuddled with me all night, so maybe she
was giving me a dream about you - connecting with your
behr, at long last, and it had a happy ending, as most
of my dreams do.

Song: Ballade No. 4 in F minor - Chopin (Excellent)

Gallery Opening Idea:
- Same theme as the Harry Potter windows at Marshall Field.

- It was at some Gallery 860(?) [Not sure where that is.]

- Out in the back garden of the gallery, have a setup similar to miniature golf. But, instead of clubs, just bullet stops with pop-up maps of Ryan's Mystical Journey and original artwork. Do a multi-media presentation.

A Wednesday - Winter of 2004:

- A sort of fraternity or group was planning a big talent contest.

- We were making out the banner and putting the letters and flowers and hanging iton the wall. (It took up the entire left of the wall and had to be "hung" by professionals.)

- We were then out on the porch - when something like a gigantic magnetic wave went over the city. The lights flickered and all the power went out!

- I was concerned about a couple windows not being shut all the way.

- The guy there, said it was OK - but it was getting cold - with no heat!

- We couldn't do our show. So, to make money, they put on a 'Wrestle-mania" type of show.

- But, I had a music act and had to go on the road.

- I was getting ready to "go on" again. This time, I picked up my books and niticed they weren't children's music books. They were more like serious subject matter.

- 2 people (I recognized them) were standing, waiting to go on with me.

- I reached down to grab their (children's music) books - like Sunday School books, but I caught my mistake and said "I'm sorry - old habits!"

- They said "Oh, that's ok. Now you're doing the real service" - like preaching the main sermon - or maybe giving the main music performance - but we both knew it was bigger than a Sunday School class.

- My old co-worker, Annette Macdonald (from Moore), was there discussing taking another week off work with me. Talking about how we were going to get the boss to go for it. One week for 4 months.

Date: Thu, 6 Nov 2003 07:56:05 -0800 (PST)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

. . .a good nights sleep and dreams.Belinda was there trying to con me into loving her, as usual. I yelled at her for being lazy and not working!

From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 10:04:23 CST
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

. . . sidewalk sale at Dolphin, no place for me here, maybe fountain court, yes, thats an idea. belinda dreams are reaffirming you made right decision.

Date: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 07:23:47 CST
From: Spencer

. . . Interesting but not bothersome dreams. teaching someone to fly and rooms added to rooms leading to an unexpected exit point - your neighborhood in the autumn.

Date: Sun, 26 Oct 2003 07:00:58 -0800 (PST)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Hi! I just received Karol's dream interpretation. I sent to sixthromeo@aol. Nothing you don't already know, I'm afraid. Financial woes. Love woes. Medical concerns. Betrayal. All the usual stuff, with the addition of the medical concern. I have so much energy, today. Amazing what an hour's sleep can do. . . .
-----------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Sun, 26 Oct 2003 09:34:32 CST
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

1-) Thats a bleak future. Thank Karol for me and thank you. on my way to cafe now . . .

Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 12:46:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

. . . Funny story - Scottpup used to have an online personae, too. At nighttime, he would become "Big Butt Mamalaide" - a fat black ho - and light up the chat rooms! lol He would even have them meet 'her' at motels and bars and such! He giggles with delight, when retelling the tales! :)
----------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 15:11:47 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

. . .

- 6-) Big Butt Mamalaide? Intriguing. Butt I don't want to go there. Does he know Maddogtwo0two0? [A Junior thug acquaintance}

Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 03:51:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Hi! I just got in to work. Rainy out, but warm enough. Saw a real bad accident - rollover, smashed up - police looking for bodies thru the subdivision. Bizarre dreams - recreating my mother's wedding with Phillip. Elaborate detail and design of the dresses - not from this world - more complex than a suspension bridge - made with gold threads and ribbons. Music from Rogers and Hart era. Matching dishes, everything perfect - as for a special angel in heaven! :)
-----------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 08:42:32 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

#-) Good morning, MySteveMan! A nice sunny clear morning, warm. Someone said, your weather is heading our way. As long as its yours and no one else, okay... Another puzzle dream? for a composer/arraner?? Harmless fun dreams again for me, whew! 'Hope you a good day. Love and huggs :Spencer
-----------
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 06:52:25 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Hi! My laptop crashed, last pm. I brought it in, and was lucky to recover it, today. Backing up files, now, just in case it happens again. Letter from Scottpup - they had a "Separation" error in their sector, yesterday - they are on lockdown??? Not him, tho. He is working 6 days, this week, so we can be together 2 days during week! Awww. Talked 2 Larry, yesterday - he had my number written wrong. Tried 2 call. He leaves today.
----------
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 06:55:35 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

. . . he went to a Private Art exhibit in the Hancock, Wed. (after dismissing me,) - The most comprehensive Armenian Art Collection in the US - he arranged for them to have a gallery showing in Fresno for one of his parties. I guess that was more important than me. A good reason, all in all. What a flake. I still don't know why he disappeared like that. How's the back and bodyworks?
-----------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 09:09:32 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

1-) Sounds like Larry is an ASID member on a broader scale, maybe he had a date. 'Arms and legs are good, walk to and from cafe last night was good but back muscles this morning are bitching. Is 6 days a lot for Scott? Are they doing double watch of the same space?
-----------
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 07:30:41 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Well, he normally works the 5-day grind. And there are 2 people on sick-leave, 2day. So there are multiple factors, 2 make it a tough day, I think. He'll be gray in 2 years, at this rate! Like me! Perfecto! Heheh! I'll send him email, in a bit. Find out what separation error means. Separation from the screen? Separation from an air space? Curious. No more Cat, eh? I just remembered that! That's too bad! :(

*Note: Separation Error is an air-traffic-control term meaning when two planes get within 5 miles of each other in the same air space!
-----------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 09:52:17 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

2-) Say 'hi' to Scott from me. True, no Cat. She was my favorite there.
-----------
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 09:08:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com


Hi! I will say hi 2 scott, 4 U. Left a 'goodbye' msg for Larry, this am. I will need a week to recourperate from his visit, emotionally. Tonite - don't forget to set back your clocks - you will have an extra hour 2 dream! We can all use the extra hour, 4 sure! :)

University Club

Date: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 06:53:30 -0700 (PDT)
Re: University Club
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com









University Club Chicago

Good AM MS! Got back late. Took a tour of University Club - nice!- Breakfast at Pancake House., then ran into Mayor on Boul Mich! Hah! Toured the new Bentley showroom - and YES about 10 cars inside! WOW! The Chicago Sun Times snapped our pic posing with the dealer, and took our names! lol! Ham & beans!?? Off to breakfast with Larry, again & my sweet Pup! L&H S
-----------
#3 - (University Club - Oct - 2003)






- 1940 Cadillac - Originally owned by Potter Palmer




- now belonging to a University Club Member - who was speaking at a Luncheon, today! (We spoke with the driver!) People were stopping to take our picture, thinking it was ours! lol (I rode the "El" home!)

Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 06:02:36 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com


Good AM MS! Did you have a good night? I had many informative dreams. I had gone over to the next world. And tried to remember things frame by frame, going back and forth to gather them. Because we can't take the whole sequence with us. We have to remember each frame, and someone else has to be there to share the info with. And they have to be at the same 'level' or wavelength as you. Neat, eh? L&H S
-----------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 08:14:11 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

#-) Good morning, MySteveMan! A beautiful morning here and the smell of two freshly bathed neighbors! Fra Fragoso & The Captain. I had a good night and dreams but for my cell ringing from Junior at 3:42 am. 'didn't talk, he hung up. You had another puzzle dream! You were successful in this other world exhibition?
------------
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 06:33:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com


An amazing experience. I was slow to learn, but eager. It felt like floating up to a treetop. Only higher, like in space. U were there. Parallel universe. We each can pick out a pet, that is compatible to our spirit, as we fly around space.I chose a little white bear dog, from a jewel case. You had 1, too. Everyone judged us on how well trained our pets were. They were trained, well. Can U imagine the horror of a compatible pet being like a monster?
-----------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 08:48:17 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

1-) That's a great dream/excursion. You almost nailed it: The other side is another dimension using soul senses. Maybe I don't recall mine but for you being there, I must have been busy in yours! 'can't be 2 places at once, not even there.

- 2-) I wish I could read to you from Part 8, you would recognize many things and places.
-----------
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 06:59:42 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com


Marine is reading (out loud, an article in a column saying, come on, admit it, all you guys out there share a secret - you go "goo goo" and "awwww" for your little pet,a s you tuck it under your chin! Even you burly guys feel it. and say it. You can't resist it!" It this wild? Another pet story! Oh, and guess what his dog's name is? Yes! "Bear"! Hah!
-----------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 09:05:02 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

3-) So true, the maternal side that recognizes that some pet species do love. good for him and a link to him, what kind of pet would he make?
-----------
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 07:05:59 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com


Part 8 must be great! Can't wait!) . (Marine says he would shoot his dog, if it got sick and they told him it would cost $3000 to treat him.) I engaged him in a conversation about it, and he is still adamant about that. But, at least he's re-thinking it.lol. BRB - brkfst run...
---------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 09:36:47 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

4-) Yes, there is a chapter where Marcela talks about pets (mascots). Breakfast run, reminds me that I should get my butt out and about, halfway there. Mr. Bear's vet at Niles Animal Hospital funded a scholarship in his memory after Mr. Bear died. They had a 10 year relationship.
-----------
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 07:51:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: Part I
To: 8663166256@skytel.com


Awww - Mr.Sweetie Bear! One synchronicity after another! As I pulled into Starbucks/Mcd's, there was a creme colored dog sitting in the back of the SUV, next 2 me, looking out the space in back window where the wiper had cleaned it. The sun was pouring thru. Master returned, as I sat there, listening 2 song on radio: J.Croce's "Time in Bottle" - Cont'd

- The verse was: "I've looked around enuf 2 know- that U'r the 1, I want 2 go - thru Time with!"- I thought of U! A magical moment in time. Then, in Starbucks, the barista just offered this story, how she's dressing up her Chiuaua as Dracula - Halloween! THEN: I walked 3 doors down to McD's, and there was a little white bear dog (Pug) sitting by her master, waiting for a little girl 2 come out. Well-trained Pug is 6, according to her master. Both so sweet! Awww! (Cont'd)

- Subject: Re: Part III


Oh, and another thing - the words on the window of the SUV in big bold letters: AWD! (Like for maybe"awww and dog"! That was all in the magic moment, with Jim Croce crooning. The creme dog was so lonesome looking. Master was a hunky cub! Such a cute pair! He was waiting 4 his master 2 return, and turned around and sat, quietly in his back seat, facing his master, when he got back in. Well behaved. Indeed. WOW!
------------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 10:09:43 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

5-) Signs, signs, everywhere. Junior said, last morning, that he and Richard were going to a shelter to adopt a dog. Animal the squirrel passed.
Time in a bottle? Thank you. In Part 8, Marcela tells how most animals were created. Would make a nice children's book.

- 6-) In Lido Park, after cafe, just finished lunch. writing now, taking sun, sweating. Marine kill his pet yet or is he busy flogging his mul?

- -) Yes, Junior was proud of his Animal, I feel for the boy. He should of had a better life so he could have been with him in the final days. Think Pat cooked him up and fed him to that disgusting dog?

- ... or was that a straight tailed pig?
-----------
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 11:21:45 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com


Hah! I dont know, a hellhound, it was ill-tempered and almost bit my face off! It has expensive taste! lol S

Kennel Klub?

Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 08:46:32 CDT
From: 8663166256@skytel.com

To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

- 1-) I had a combiation of work and homeless dream. I was showing you, Mona and Tommy the town, where I live. Chicago but changed. I was staying in buildings where there were remote unused rooms. I had a few things hidden in each. I kept being found out til I was put in a shelter like a kennel by my old work CIO & his programmer lap dog.

Twisters and Strange Aircraft

I looked out the Northeast window of my mom's house, and thought I saw twisters. We looked down, and there were people running through the streets with metal cylinders - like tanks - for water or fuel.
Then, as the twisters got closer and closer, they were coming into view. There were strange aircraft - That's all I wrote . . .

Date: Wed, 08 Oct 2003 08:39:06 CDT
From: 8663166256@skytel.com

To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

Good morning, MySteveMan!

Good morning beloved guests! [Karol and Elsie were visiting me from Detroit] How are you? Its a bright clear warm 'I love the smell of neighbor in the morning!' morning. no words from him, a smile or a smirk, I'm not sure which as long as the scent lingers! I had a dream last night, I either brought something with me out of it or something tried to leave here through it. either way, its here, I had to kick hard to get it off of me.
-----------
1-) I saw it as I did in my dream. A man that disapated into a dark cloud as I stood on a driveway talking to Amr. the cloud wrapped around me, it was oppressive, terribly heavy. I awoke and saw it on the foot of my bed. large, heavy. I kicked at it. I saw and heard it hit the wall. It had substance. I felt my feet hit it when I kicked. I felt I had another burden and said 'Not again!'

- 2-) I laid awake for a while as I listened to it move around the apartment. I went back to sleep feeling like I did when Junior was in the loft on Huron.

- 3-) I just got call from Junior, he traded his car for drugs last night. $170 worth. He did it because he went over to laura. Explains the dream, the presence, the feelings? His monkey? Is it here=now?

- 4-) Another call, the tendencies again, Richard losing the strength to help. I sent Richard a message to call me.
--------
Hello! The dream! Did U smell anything? Any other sounds like birds, music, water, wind? These are important. Karol is writing it down and will get 2 work on it. This is not sounding like a "J" dream. Thank U 4 the ck - it came 2day! YAY! Cont'd . . .

- Subject: Re: Part II

The cruise was absolutely georgeous! We had 80 degree wthr! Scott was so excited! He already knew about the surprise, however, which I'll explain. I'll give a call when things settle down. Oh - Karol loves what U wrote in the book, btw, and all say "hi" and send loves and huggs! Cont'd

- Oh, 1 more thing . . . was the dream in your mind's eye, or were you awake for the physical manifestation portion? We are on our way down to the Hancock Observatory, then a carriage ride. L&H Steve !:@>
---------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Wed, 08 Oct 2003 17:26:00 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

There is a smell of spices in the room4when I wake. like cloves or something in a pumpkin pie.

- I was just napping after the poolside this afternoon. 2 new dreams, vivid. ended with a knock on my door (in dream). I looked out expecting Junior, all I see is someone in my own red windbreaker. cannot see face. I open the door and a person taller than him pushes door open , has face in black ski mask,

- The eyes arecovered with those small oval sunglasses. you look different I told him. he put his hands under my armpits sqeezing hard lifted me out of his way. it hurt like hell when he did that. my pager went off as he was moving me out of his way.

- Last night I was awakened by the weighst and major discomfort bordering pain as it clutched me. I awoke felt it rolled over saw it kicked it hard with the bottom of my foot. saw it and heard it hit the wall. saw it move toward closet. heard it lumber after. just like junior drunk. I was smelling spices then and did through the morning.
-----------
Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2003 20:02:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Hello Ducky! We decided to come back after dinner and just relax - we've had a big day! Must have walked a couple of miles, already! Oh - earlier, Karol asked me the last time you had been to the doctor (wanting 2 rule out possibility of your body trying 2 tell u something is wrong.) How R U, 2nite? S
------------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Wed, 08 Oct 2003 22:14:19 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

Hey, MySteveMan. an excellent day for you all, great! last doctor was departure physical in March which confirmed my October checkup that said for me to clean up my cholesterol or die. aside from that I was okay. I hope you have a great night good rest and certainly none of my dreams. love and huggs
:Spencer

Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2003 21:08:57 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Hi! I've been having more of those 'epic' dreams of some great evil force that never seems to be able to get 'at' me. I hope & pray you have good reports at the doctor! Karol took notes, and will research, as soon as she gets back.

10/05/03 - Junior on a crowded Train:
We were on a crowded train. Junior was sitting up ahead, surrounded by people.Everyone wanted to sit next to, or with his group. But, we didn't want to make it known that we wanted to be there, sitting with him. But, we owned the train!

Date: Thu, 25 Sep 2003 08:29:17 CDT
From: 8663166256@skytel.com

To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

#-) good morning, MySteveMan! how are you? how was the flight and the night? its a pretty 12 shades of blue morning over the gulf. I slept okay, dreams, last one was of you telling me it is time to wake, we were walking in a tropical garden.
--------
Date: Thu, 25 Sep 2003 09:45:33 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Part I
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Good AM! Happy Thursday!

Thank U 4 the sweet 'Wake-up-Ducky' call! Cool tropical dream! Awwww - I sure wish I was there 2 wake you up - alas! I really enjoyed my trip 2 paradisio, thank U 4 all your
sacrifices on my behalf, sleeping on floor, waiting around 4 me, etc, and all the fun we had, it was truly a G-R-E-A-T adventure! (Cont'd)

- Subject: Re: Part II
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Scott noticed I was much more relaxed. I feel it, too! I am not so 'rushed'. A great, new feeling! I am just awestruck at the natural beauty of the Island, and such a peaceful sense about it all. The people, the lifestyle, the pace, the beauty of the sun and the beaches! All and so much more! You picked a real winner for winter! YAY! (Cont'd)

Johnny Cash

Date: Fri, 12 Sep 200314:13:21 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Johnny Cash

Girls, Boys, Autism? That's not the same as burnout. Letdown. Heartbreak. Confusion. Although it may render you, feeling virtually the same, it is only a temporary condition. Don't feel bad. We need to recruit you a Talaban to go on a mission. I shall wear a towel on my head. All thru the airport, Monday. And make shadow puppets on the in-flight movie! . . . Today, guess what? Johnny Cash died! I heard "Peace in the Valley" by his wife, both days I was at Starbucks on Pierson, (*See Below) this week! Also John Ritter died - Heart attack! S

*Reference Email from yesterday:
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: Tuesday pictures on Wed!
To: SixthRomeo@aol.com

Hello!
Here are some pics I took, yesterday. Back to Starbucks on Pierson for a couple of hours of refining the new sketches. Bughouse fountain is absolutely georgeous, now that summer flowers are in bloom!

I laid out on the rocks at Oak St to try and even up my splotchy tan and white legs and sides! lol More, today. Still defrosting freezer (since last night) - before I go out of town. [visiting Spencer in FLA] Will be thinking of all the little things I need to get done, before then.
Hope your day is productive and FUNNNN!
Love and huggs,
Steve !:@>

> ATTACHMENT part 2 image/jpeg name=IM001884s.JPG
> ATTACHMENT part 3 image/jpeg name=IM001885s.JPG
> ATTACHMENT part 4 image/jpeg name=IM001889s.JPG

(pics of Starbucks on Pierson - where we use to meet for coffee, near the RRB and his house.)

Date: Wed, 10 Sep 2003 12:28:32 CDT

FORWARDED MESSAGE: MSNBC Technology Update: MSNBC email alerts - TUNNEL'S BIBLICAL ORIGINS CONFIRMED: Radiocarbon dating indicates that Hezekiah's Tunnel in Jerusalem was built around 700 B.C., matching the Old Testament time frame.

Date: Mon, 8 Sep 2003 22:40:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Happy Birthnight, Duckysweetie! Just got my pup tucked in - long day of being a Cgo Ambassador, (Official 'Greeter' for City of Cgo.) dancing lessons, tux shopping, an awesome Katherine Payne(sp?) cabaret show at Gentry, then vegetarian dinner at Cgo Diner, then meeting Martha,[my neighbor the actress/director] and cuddling at the Skybox! [My Place]

Wanted to send this pic to the AOL acct - of a memory souvenir I took, today, in honor of you, sweet one! Sweet dreams, love! Steve !:@>

- Ohhhh . . . one more thing, I almost forgot to tell you . . . the song "There'll Be Peace in the Valley" started playing, as I took that snapshot, for this special-edition birthday email! I think it's a June Carter Cash song - it was on a Johnny Cash soundtrack at the cafe! I didn't realize it, until after I took the pic. It was a special moment. For me. But, mainly for you!

Oh, and I'm glad you got to spend birthday dinner with J.T. Very, very cool! Gotta love that! I was getting very teary-eyed this evening, around 10pm at the Kathryn Payne show. Still a little overwhelmed by the utter 'peace' of this day. It has
been simply indescribable.

Clear, sunny, low 80's, breezy - great sketching, remembering you in our 'special place'[Starbucks on Pierson]- PLUS, great time looking forward to seeing my pup. (Week 7 and going strong!)Then an absolutely perfect evening, spent with him, beyond anything I could possibly
describe in mere words. Awesome, spontaneous night, meeting me at Maggiano's to pick up me and my bike (yes, I actually still HAVE it!)stopping by Gentry, on the way from Nordstrom, tux shopping, vegetarian (in honor of my 'no bread' diet this week,) meal at Chicago Diner (by Roscoe.)

Well, one final good birthday night wish - hope you are not feeling older. Just wiser. We don't do "old", remember? lol
- Smooches Pooches
----------------
Date: Mon, 8 Sep 2003 22:51:22 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: A latte of city cites!
To: SixthRomeo@aol.com

Hello Sweetie!
I spent my writing time at a place, remembering someone very special, today . . . Notice the new "wing" [transmitting tower] is in place??? Had some most excellent inspiration, sketching and writing, today, and a flood of many warm (and many, many cold - brrr) memories - at a place you may be familiar with . . .
- Enjoy, Write, Live!
Love and more!
Steve !:@>

> ATTACHMENT part 2 image/jpeg name=IM001883s.JPG
(Pic of the John Hancock bldg rising over 'our' Starbucks on Pierson' - sporting the new transmitting tower [wing] that has been 'missing' for nearly a year.)

Date: Mon, 8 Sep 2003 09:28:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: Part I Happy Birthday 2 U!
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

HAPPY HAPPY YOUR DAY! BIRTHDAY! ROMEO SURVIVES! SPENCER LIVES!

Just got in, from my night! WOW! Picked him up at 7 - walked along familiar routes along
Michigan Ave (ala MySpencer) - He took me to a new Armenian Restaurant on Ohio. Awwww! One drink at the Second Story Dive (right nextdoor)- then back to the BatCave for Chocolate Sex! YEOOOOW!(Cont'd)

- Mr.Freshground Morning Coffee, [Scottpup] shirtless on Terrace. Then dropped him off at Cultural Center for his Monday Greeter Client - taking her to Navy Pier. I'm meeting him at Maggiano after his Dance Class, around 5:30pm - going Tux Shopping for his big formal night party at Arthur Murray - while I am in FLA with U! (Cont'd)

- Call from Larry (Fresno) yesterday at my work. Making flight arrs. for Oct in Cgo! Mayor will be gone! I can't wait to take him to the Armenian Rest., we discovered, last pm! Sayat Noya on Ohio! (Means "Welcome," roughly trnsltd.) Hope you have a great b-day. I sent a surprise to the AOL acct. Off 2 Coffee and sketching! Love and FurryGuy Huggs! Your Steveman!

Date: Wed, 3 Sep 2003 06:56:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Good AM! I was reading, as you were writing P.II! A week without "J" is like a year without cold weather! He's even in SCOTT'S dreams, now! OYVAY! I quote: "J" was walking with "us" up a mountain, and we came across some people filming a movie. I went on my way, up the mtn., Scott & "J" stayed behind and suddenly, "J" started stabbing people! Cont'd.)

- When he woke up, he said, "I just had the strangest dream." I got to thinking about it, and I said - well, it is funny, but here's something even funnier - I never told you I tried to talk him into pursuing acting, and there he was in your dreams, running into a group of actors on a movie set! Cont'd.
------------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Wed, 03 Sep 2003 09:06:47 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

2-)
I apologize to Scott for those dreams, obviously he should not be left with Junior. I know I am physically safe with the distance but until there is someone in my heart to block him then he can continue to hurt me there.

From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Wed, 03 Sep 2003 09:13:02 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

3-)
Yes, he can act. Scott has a psychic link , bad boy Eros has a strong impact and hold. He is evil though with laura's influence. I know this is the case yet.

Date: Mon, 01 Sep 2003 07:48:32 CDT
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

- 2-)
'had a dream that pulled me into waking. some one was murdered, messily, a young man gutted by a heavyset 40-45 yearold very short haired white guy who is quite pleased with his work. some guy at a hotel was telling everyone to register under the victims name to protect him & confuse the perpetrator. signin as RAY RODOVIC he said it over & over. write it down he insisted and said: Wake up & write it down! so I did.

- 3-)
spelling could be: rodolvic, i wrote that first then rudolvic then radovic. after waking I remembered a name junior told us about: not knowing how to spell it, Randy Rudosovic (phonetic).

Dream Stone Gem

Note: Scott was sleeping over . . .

Dream #1:
Someone came up to me and handed me a large ston-shaped piece glass. It was a huge gem from some museum. But it had no weight. I held it in my hands and arms and admired it. I was to put it on a special pedestal where it belonged. It "fit" in that one spot like some sort of futuristic component. Placing it on it's pedestal 'enabled' it's function. I almost dropped it (fumbled it), juast as I was walking over to put it down in its 'spot'!

Dream #2: Same Morning - 7:47 (note the precise moment.)
The great enemy came down out of the sky like many black jellyfish - only they were black video cameras with tentacles.
They were agens of darkness! Armageddon-esque!
Note: Puss puss was lying on my pillow above my head, when I woke up to write this down, and noted the time. She was curled up under my arm and made a gutteral sound as I wrote "Puss puss".

Air Collision

- "Flash" just came up to me in the dream and told me very distincly, and matter-of-factly that he saw something "Immediately around me" - an air collision! (He was clairvoyant, in real-life.)

Emails during this time:

Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 10:09:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Good AM! We just got up! A beautiful night walk, came back here and had a beautiful night! I'm running him back home so he can get 2 wk. Mother calls. Was it "J"? Or some other weirdo? I so sorry! How ya doin'? L&H S

- Hello Duckky! What A DAY! Starting last pm, Even tide walking barefoot on the beach - in search of Mars (no can do) - under a brilliant orange-crescent moon. Sat and shared secrets on Hollywood pier, back 2 the batcave for soft music and naked exploits on the love seat! Returned him at 1pm. Got home to flowers! Pic 2 sixth Romes@aol. L&H - WOW! S
------------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 17:51:17 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

ahhhh! another good news no stress no crap no fear night for you. if mars is low east se early then I've seen him. I had a call this evening from an intelligence co-worker, circa 1968-1970. I sent postcard, he called. quite a surprise, 2 contacts of long losts since being here.
------------
Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 16:15:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

This is soooo cool! You have reconnected with hunks from the past, and I have perhaps done the same??? I'm reading 'We Have Been Here, Before' - book from Karol's bookshelf. There is no 'blackness', this Thursday, and I cannot tell you how good that feels! L&H - S

-------------
Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 15:28:13 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: Duck prints in the sand . . .
To: SixthRomeo@aol.com
FLOWERS!

Hello MySpencer!
Last night was one of those rare and unforgettable moments in time. We both looked forward to getting together, again, since Sunday, for a mooonlight walk on the beach, last pm, to see if we could view Mars. (We could not.)
We strolled, barefoot in the cool sand to the pier, under a beautiful orange-crescent moon, in search of the illusive Red Planet. The ambient light made it impossible.
We strolled to, and sat on the pier, touching and caressing. - I just then, told him the story of my stolen children, and my child-support problem - he had kind words, and expressed heart-felt understanding for my story. (Something I only reveal to my closest
loved-ones. Those who will not judge me, and know me for who I am. the obvious reasons!)
We walked back to the apt., and spent at least an hour, if not longer, listening to Josh Groban (some nights, Mickey) - and slowly getting naked on the window seat. Talking of our past loves, present soul loves, (you came up, of course), and our fantasies and dreams.
We adjourned to the love-nest (br) and had the most wonderful night and morning of passion, never letting go of one another. We finally got out of bed, just a little after noon,
and I stopped at 'our' (as in yours and my) Starcafe on Bryn Mawr, and he bought us our morning coffee.
I dropped him off at his place, basking in the afterglow that has not stopped, since the moment I met him . . . drove home, and hopped on my bike for a ride to North Ave and back. These were waiting for me, when I got home, today! (pic) Love and Huggs, Steve !:@>
--------------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 18:19:02 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

How is that book coming along? Do you feel you read it before?

- Long writing session at cafe right now. Marcela seems to have as much to say as spencer, carol, giani and juan carlos combined!!! you have agreat night, sleep and why dream while you are living one. love and huggs :Spencer
-----------
Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 18:54:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com

Hello! Yes, a dream that has not ended! I don't remember him from my past, although, I'm still searching. I don't know how he got here, but, I sure like what I see!I did some regression, yesterday, and it scared me, so I stopped. I will need some help, if I am to go back, again. L&H - S
-----------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 20:58:19 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

hey, my steveman: 'just wanted to say goodnight. love huggs :Spencer

- #-)
hey! mysteveman! good morning. how are you? I meant to tell you that on wednesday night I dreamed I was given a lover, a blonde, husky thirty'ish. quite a surprise. I awoke thanking God that at least I had one in my dreams.
--------------
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 04:12:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com


Good Am! Good news in your dream? Bad news in my mailbox, this am. Court order forcing me to take family insurance for the child. Increasing deduction another $50/wk. = $200/mo. I am now trashed. What good is a turnip with no blood? S
------------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 07:54:00 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

:-O
That is either a great amt of insurance or just expensive. I stayed up too late and had dreams that pulled me deep to the upper levels of Hell. Difficult waking now, it appears that court order pulled you to a similar level.
------------
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 06:22:17 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com
AIR DISASTER


I had a weird dream, Wed. night - "Flash" came up to me and said "there is an air disaster immediately near you." It wasn't scary, just a little too clear for a dream. Scott was sleeping next to me. I told him, but he said he has dreams about air disasters all the time. Not to worry. I wonder if it had something to do with the court order, today. Going for a run? S
------------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 08:34:47 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

Air disaster in Clearwater yesterday just a couple miles from the highrise in which I chose not to live.
--------------
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 07:22:39 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com


Clearwater? No kidding? That was a close call! Dale and Marine are out for their umpteenth smoke. Dale just got back from having a smoke with someone else, 10 mins. ago! DB disasters and server problems. Phones ringing. Not too bad, in here, yet. But may be too early to tell. I'm having a morning. How's the weather?
-----------
From: 8663166256@skytel.com
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 09:42:19 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

It sounds like chip n dale deserve high colonics. thats the"air head" disaster near you.

-----------
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 09:00:50 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
To: 8663166256@skytel.com


One of the network gurus in here, now. The system crapped out, yesterday, only a few locations not affected. Today they moved TCP/IP to another system (We're not fully sysplexed, yet.) May be indirectly caused by that worm / virus - since they had to turn down communication on the Black Diamond. (Got up to 70% utiliz!) Maybe they turned some things off, that were needed??? We're still on alert, things not running thru, as smooth as they should. . . Frostbite never goes away, I don't think. It is like dead skin. . . A souvenir from the hell period. . . L&H - S

Theatre Complex in St. Elmo

Dream 1:

I was walking out in front of the house in St. Elmo, where I grew up - down a driveway. They had torn down all the buildings and dug up the parking lot/driveway. I had to step over chunks of concrete.
To the back, they were building some kind of business/theatre complex. The house was still there, but new windows.
Suddenly, I was in some lady's car by the railroad tracks, W. of the house. There was a teenage boy with braces on his teeth, belting out some broadway song, into a microphone.
He was really over-doing it. But, even stranger, the lady was accompanying him on her car horn. Also over-doing it. Really putting her whole body into it! "Body-stock?" (See diagram when I get it scanned in.)

Dream #2:

There was a dangerous precipice, I almost fell off of. The person I was with, I'd known a long time - not "with it" as far as 'sharp'.

Somehow I had 'seen' or known he'd fall, if he wanted to be with me. I let him, anyway.
I did not care. I let him come with me. He fell and I had his 'spirit' with me, forever - guilt?

Matching Gloves

Note: "Flash" was there, in this one . . .

Dream #1: At some street market:

A leather designer selling gloves, bags - caramel color - beautiful. We were leaving the market, walking home to Grandma Rhodes'.
We found several pairs of those gloves lying on the ground.
Spencer said to pick one up to see if it matches. They did. Then . . . two older ladies came along our path and saw us going through the gloves.
They said "Oh look, the gloves we bought for our husbands."
I wondered if they were for real or scamming. They spent hundreds of dollars on their gifts.
So, I have them back, while Spencer wasn't looking.

Dream #2: Billy Jo Marchman (real-life friend of my mother's, and a former teacher of mine.) - was preaching a sermon at some church. I asked my friend if she was a drag queen, today. He said "when is she not?"

Dream #3: We were at someone's house. There were some children, some pets, some beautiful people. There was a bag of new glasses - same color as the gloves. (See Dream #1, above).

I tried on the one pair that was different - tortoise shell. This one girl said they looked awful. Every pair I tried on made me look old and fat. (I saw in mirror.)

Identical Twins

There was a celebration - thinking about "identical twins". A woman's voice came to me and said "On a national holiday that everyone celebrates, your father came back and tried to finish up business."

June 25/2003 Dream:
We were standing in our brand-new luxury home, with glass ceilings and multi-tiered deck. All of a sudden a helicopter descended and was "staring" at us. We had been "detected" by someone and were trapped.

4/5/03
I came up beside Spencer and pulled a statue of cupid out of a briefcase and held it up. It was done quickly - showing it was light. It was sort of like a white-plaster of paris-oscar award - a fat-standing cherub - solid bright white-icon or idol?

Date: Fri, 13 Sep 2002 06:59:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: Tales of the City
To: SixthRomeo@aol.com

Good Friday Morning to you, my Spencer!

Last day of the Disaster turned non-disaster week! YAY! Another good thing to be thankful for! Oh, and did you hear the NY Lottery was 911 on 911 - about 5,000 people played that number, and won around $500 each!

Just heard of a near-Disaster in Miami. Terrorists were stopped, this morning (Fri.13), on I-75, near Miami, with bombs and detonators - bound for Miami. We just got a phone call, about it, here in the computer room, but it is unconfirmed, at this writing. [False report]

Another disaster happened yesterday, sort of in my world, or at least a little closer to home.

After I spoke with you, my homeless friend, Will showed up. He had $3 in his pocket, his mother gave him. It took him almost 3 hours to walk to her house to get it! He stopped by his campsite under the viaduct, and the Dept. of Streets and San. had thrown away all his clothes he had stuffed in a garbage bag, and his protective tarp, when they mowed, yesterday.

I threw his clothes he was wearing, in the wash, on Wed, and let him take a nice, hot shower, and sleep in a warm, clean bed, (well, sofa.) We ate cold-cuts, (he bought us, with the last $4.75 on his Link card,) picnic-style, around the living room, on pillows, and sat up and talked for hours.

I got him up at 5am, when I left, and saw him off. I let him use one of my bikes for the day, so he could make better use of his time (i.e. to find a job.) One of the guys who works at Panera, has also befriended him, and promised to meet him at noon, there, today to put in a good word, since he has already turned in his application.

He kept saying this phrase, "If you think things are bad, just think of me." And he is right. And you have to feel better, when you think about living under a bridge. I sat up with him and talked for a little while, last night, trying to keep his spirits up, and assured him that things will get better. Chicago is a rough city, when you're down. But, aren't they all? He says this one is really bad. I am not so convinced. I think it may be no worse than, say, the Deep South, or NYC, or any of the other cold ones in the North and Midwest, for that matter. I pray for each meal I receive, with deeper thanks, these days, is all I know.

Then, after I got WIll settled in for the night, I also tried calling Sonny back, several times. No answer. I was getting a little worried. His roommate walked in, while we were on the phone, and started a fight, and he had to let me go. Said he'd phone back, but never did.

When I woke up, this am, there were about 5 msgs. from him, overnight! Then he called before I left for work. He and the roommate indeed fought. Sonny's lip was bloodied. But he said he refrained from beating the guy up, too badly. He called the Police out, but since they'd both been fighting, and both wanted to press charges, they'd both have to be taken in. So, they ended up doing nothing.

I told him to try and stay away when the roommate is there, and soon he will be out of there. I know that is next to impossible to try and do, all the time. Soon, he will be with me, and these days will be a faded memory! Judy, (my brother's girlfriend out in CA,) and I both knew the roomate was a potential abuser, as did Sonny, and we have been worried about the living situation since we met Sonny. We sat down and talked about this very thing, when I was out there. I was so glad to hear from him this am, and to learn that he is okay.

I know you still love Junior, the orignal one. I know you miss that one. I think it was only a matter of time before you learned to see him, for the "whole", as I do. And, perhaps that would be better than feeling lovesick. I don't know. My only solace to you is, Time will help heal what the heart cannot. And consider yourself lucky to be alive, to not be permanently scarred from the abuse, to be free from future repurcussions of the violence. And pray that whatever town he travels too, the residents be protected by the Almighty, so this never happens to anyone, ever again. Period. . .

Date: Sat, 13 Sep 2003 05:06:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: Dreamweaver
To: SixthRomeo@aol.com

Last night - dreams of some kind of "Star Wars" attack in the sky! This has been a recurring dream. It happened twice, last night, and within the past few months or so. My sister was the only one there, I recognized, the first time. There were new people there, I was getting to know. People moving into my life, taking the place of former friends, family, who had passed on. There was an attack - certain buildings were gutted, our concrete bldg was only slightly damaged. We looked out at the next bld., and the floors were gone, only the shell remained. Great fear, sadness. But we were not afraid. We were protected. OR maybe just lucky.

There was a dinner party. New people came. But there was a major plot hatching, somewhere. Something big, we didn't want to alarm anyone. So, this guy from work (Al, a manager) and I went to his "room" in the house, and we were trying to make sense out of all the Star Wars attack. Maybe an invasion. Then, another attack came in the sky. Confusion, everywhere.

Funny part - I was in the bathroom, and I noticed a very unusual car, parked under the window - with a boat attached to it. It drove off, and tossed out a bunch of frozen chicken pkgs. - as it left. I looked at the packaging, and it was "bat meat"! I knew this was bad. There was some kind of "bat meat" business going on, I was supposed to know about! Very strange.

Well, how's that for a "Mother-of-all-dreams!"

Homeless ChatDate: Tue, 10 Sep 2002 11:39:07 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: Cyber Day in the Cafe!
To: SixthRomeo@aol.com, Spencer

Good Afternoon for my Spencer!

. . . Saw my homeless friend, Will (living under a protective tarp, under a viaduct, yesterday.) Bought him a coffee, [at Caribou on Diversey] and spent the better part of afternoon having a few laughs, and having a wonderful conversation (s)! Got back about 8pm, phoned my Sonny! . . .

From: 8776010995@skytel.com
Date: Mon, 26 Aug 2002 18:49:42 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

he threatened to break off my ankles if i talk to you again. he forced me to phone you . i'm sorry. :Spencer -gerry spencer

------------

From: 8776010995@skytel.com
Date: Mon, 26 Aug 2002 23:59:42 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

he is gone and my heart is broken. I think his too.:Spencer -gerry spencer

Date: Sun, 25 Aug 2002 15:14:39 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: ~Dreamscapes and Prophecies
To: Spencer


Hello My Spencer,

. . . Had another epic dream, last night, I felt I needed to share with you, since I was worried about you, when I went to bed, last night. You were utmost in my prayers, and as it turns out, in my dreams.

It was the most profound dream, yet, and I awoke after only two hours of sleep, to write it down. This one was unique in two ways. One, it happened at the beginning of my night's sleep, and Two, it contained some of the most prophetic and clear messages, to date. When I awoke from it, I grabbed hold of my Bible, which I went to sleep, holding, and opened it up at random, and it just happened to open up to Isaiah 61 - which I'll quote, at the end. . .

. . . Here is the dream . . . (in four parts:)

Part I: There were two of us. We were waiting to go to work one afternoon. We were farmers. Our dad had gone into the fields ahead of us, to "clean" them. We were to follow him, but we weren't sure where he was, nor into which field he had gone.

We would go in and harvest, after him. We looked, and the fields had been subdivided. They had been divided into thirds. And those thirds were further divided into triangles. They fit together, two on the end, and one in the middle, forming rectangles.

Part II: While we were waiting, I went up to a concert arena. I went to buy a ticket. Wasn't sure who was playing, but I told the girl at the ticket office it was the "Big Name". There were only a few tickets left, on either the 9th or 19th or 28th - (not sure if those were rows, or dates.) She was not laughing. No sense of humor. It was as if she was part of some important operation. Anyway, I got my ticket and went into the arena.

Suddenly, I was talking with some kind of church group. I was to lead the music for their praise and worship group - helping them rehearse. There was a piano and a familiar group waiting for my special style of music.

Someone was angry with me for not being prepared the way THEY wanted it to be performed. I stood in front of the congregation, as some sort of prophet, or a leader, and explained to them about how and why it had to be done this way - sort of "enlightened" them, so they could understand my vision. There was only one "right way". I held my position and was very emphatic about it.

Part III: Next we were in a P.O.W camp. Some boy was trying to escape - was being "rescued" by some people from above, pulling him up by a rope. He was rising up a very tall distance through an opening in the roof. The guards were fast approaching. He made it to the top and safely out. I recognized him from somewhere. He made it out, as well as one other person, both to safety. But there were more guards (evil) waiting for both of them (us.) They were easily re-captured. The one boy was forced down into the "splits" - one leg out in front, the other behind, into a sitting position - locked all the way down. He was then pushed forward into a corner - where he was to await his punishment. They did the same to the other person (maybe myself, or another, not sure.)

Part IV: Just then a new character arrived on the scene. Sort of like a gun-totin' cowboy dude - a gigantic man (a giant) - wearing a black hat and shirt and chaps. His hands were steadied over his pistols, as he rode into town on his motorcycle. Everyone was sure to stay out of his way. He was the biggest, baddest cowboy of them all. He was there for a reason - to eliminate the bad guy(s) once and for all. He was many, many times bigger and more powerful, than all the rest. We were all relieved that he was about to clean up this town, once and for all. We felt safe, knowing he was here. Secure. Healthy. Strong. Peaceful.

Then I woke up. I felt as if I had been on a strange journey to a very dangerous and unsettling place, where I could "see" all this happening from above - sort of transported. It felt as if I was alone there, but, I was aware that I was in a protective shield of some sort. It would have been too dangerous for me to go in there and "see" this knowledge, outside of this shield. But, I had been protected by this "force" or "power", I could neither see nor hear. I just "went" with it - whatever "it" was. I was then brought back home. Woke up - very alarmed and disturbed!

Like I said, earlier, I opened up my Bible, I had been hugging onto . . . to Isaiah 61 . . . And this is the part that really freaked me out:

"The Spirit of the Lord God IS upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound.

To proclaim the acceptable year to the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn.

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, (Note: The next part is a popular praise and worship song, we used to do almost every Sunday, coincidentally:)

- To give them beauty for ashes,

- the oil of joy for mourning.

- the garment of praise

- for the spirit of heaviness.

- that they might be called

- Trees of righteousness,

- the planting of the Lord,

that he might be glorified. (End of song) continuing with passage . . .

AND they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.

And strangers shall stand and feed your flocks, and the sons of the alien SHALL BE your plowmen and your vinedressers.

But ye shall be named the Priests of the Lord; MEN shall call you the Ministers of our God; ye shall eat the riches of the Gentiles, and in their glory shall ye boast yourselves.

7.) For your shame ye shall have DOUBLE; and FOR confusion they shall rejoice in their portion; therefor in their land they shall posess the double: everlasting joy shall be unto them.

8.) For I the Lord love judgement, I hate robbery for burnt offering, and I will direct their work in truth, and I will make an everlasting covenant with them.

9.) AND their seed shall be known among the Gentiles, and their offspring among the people; all that see them shall acknowledge them and they ARE the seed WHICH the Lord hath blessed.

10.) I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me WITH the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh HIMSELF with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with jewels.

11.) For as the earth bringeth forth her bud, and as the garden causeth the things that are sown into it to spring forth; so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.

The dream fortold of: 1.) the sowing in the field; 2.) the Praise and Worship song being Priests Ministering the Word; 3.) the prison opening to them that are bound, and proclaiming liberty to the captives; 4.) the gun-slinging giant - or the day of Vengeance to comfort all that mourn.

I was just astonished how all four parts of the dream were right in sync with the Passages. I don't pretend to understand all this - I am just the messenger, here. I wrote it down, word for word, as it happened, so I wouldn't forget. Nor alter.

I feel a real danger coming from your end. I felt very afraid to call or make plans with you, Sunday (today,) after I had previously written you on Friday. Just so you know why I didn't call.

Then, this afternoon, I received a threatening message from Joe - on my machine. I don't know why he is threatening me, out of the blue, like that. I haven't spoken with him since the Mozart concert, nor with you, since the Sunday before I left on vacation. I am going to call the Police and report it, though. As soon as I get home, tonight. I think he is seriously dangerous, and there is no telling where his violent, schizophrenic behavior will end up.

I am holding onto your postcard, by the way. I thought it might trigger a violent reaction, if he saw a letter from me, when I heard he was still there. I will just give it to you in person, when I see you. Will you please call me this week, and let me know how you are, and what the H@#$ is going on. I worry for you, like I have never worried, before. And I am afraid to come around, now, because of his violent behavior. I left my car battery charger in the rental car - (for the cell phone) accidentally - so didn't turn on cell phone earlier in day, to conserve the battery.

I feel our time is short, together, as I mentioned before. I have just submitted my resume to BayRecruiters.com - looking for a job out in the SF area. It may take a couple years at most, to fully relocate, but I have picked out where I want to go, and the details are miraculously falling into place. I will explain, in person. Great things are happening, and cannot wait to tell you all about it. Was hoping to get with you, today, but then, the thing with Junior really has me alarmed.

- The greatest Love for You, humanly possible, and THEN some . . .

- Your Steveman MSM

Love vs Loneliness . . .
Date: Fri, 9 Aug 2002

"Spencer, Gerald" wrote:

. . . lasting regressions? Heartache by the number.

MySteveMan,
yes, a breakdown, a meltdown at seeing yet another sign of a life out of sorts, drifting. Wanted yet unwanted hopes dashed. Love hurts, so who wants it? if it means no hurt but loneliness is pain as well. Loneliness and depression go together; love and agony go together; I don't know which is worse. I want to say love and agony are worse

From: Steven Rhodes [mailto:cubstryper@yahoo.com]

Sent: Friday, August 09, 2002 8:40 AM
To: Spencer, Gerald
Subject: Re: Lasting Impressions

Good Morning My Spencer,

I remember once, meeting my "dream" match. It was shortly after I moved back to Chicago, from the turbulent Belinda years. We had several phone conversations - all lengthy - before meeting. We agreed to meet for lunch, one Summer day.

He came by to pick me up - apologizing for both the Rolls(es) being in the shop, the Caddy was his work car. He was handsome. He was dashing. He was English. Office on LSD - Real Estate and Law - (son or grandson of a Nobleman - who founded the Boy Souts of America.)

We were both seeing stars. I could feel it. I could see he felt it. We sat close to each other on the way to Lunch. All during Lunch. Talking of past relationships, work stories, family, many good topics. We were so different. Yet, we found the common thread in each topic, and laughed and had fun, all thru the course of the afternoon.

A perfect gentleman, he dropped me off, we kissed goodbye, and I got out of the car, and went back up to my apartment, alone. Probably to drink. Drown my sorrows. Drown my feelings. I never called him back. He never called me. The possibility of rejection, overwhelmed me, so I remained isolated. Remained safe.

I wanted to remember him, just the way he was. You see, he had already "become". I was barely even "born". I knew I had a WAYS to go, many, many issues to resolve. Many lessons to learn. Many people to meet. People who would bring enlightenment. Encouragement. Hope. Knowledge.

Different people would bring different gifts, over the years. Helping me to "become". Never took on a lover, in all that time, tho. There were many proposals. Many friends. A few playmates. But NO one I would be able to live with. No one I trusted that much. Except for potentially, that one Englishman. And that, based only on a few conversations, and one date.

I suspect it is the same with Junior. He has barely been "born". Many people to meet. Many lessons to learn. Life will happen. His Destiny is not here. This was only a stop for "food". A banquet, at that! I am all the wiser for having met him. All the stronger. I hope you can say the same.

Hostage Crises on Huron
Date: Wed, 7 Aug 2002 17:26:20 -0700 (PDT

8776010995@skytel.com wrote:

i am at starbucks now for 2.5 hours waiting for junior . he [Junior]said he will come . i call each hour , he is home , now he says no. i need to get him out and to meet me. it is a little thing i need i ask of his love. i will not go home without it . i cannot. call my cell please .SOS Love Spencer & -gerry spencer

-----------------

Date: Wed, 7 Aug 2002 17:26:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: R U OK?
To: 8776010995@skytel.com

Is everything OKAY? What did I have for dessert? What did I tell the old lady at lunch? - MSM

-------------------

From: 8776010995@skytel.com
Date: Wed, 07 Aug 2002 19:48:27 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

- ok. cookies&cream ice cream certainly no problem. -gerry

---------------

From: geraldsp [mailto:gspencer@idolo.com]
Sent: Thursday, August 08, 2002 4:35 PM
To: 'cubstryper@yahoo.com'
Subject: Occasions . . .


. . . Of less comfort.

Phone line: use 312-944-2129 for phone calls, I took the phones off of
312-944-2123.

After the "Bashing"To: "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: critical mass then . . . Date: Fri, 2 Aug 2002 18:37:59 -0500

. . . meltdown. Mine, yours, his?

MySteveMan:

Thank you for being there for me. It meant my whole world to me. You realize that don't you? You mentioned Edward, NATO officer. Big Burly Buff, "was it the same?" In a way, yes, well actually, yes; not in a way. I did not love him. He also did not live with me. 2 Major differences - get that? Major, it is what Edward left as. Met him as a captain he got promoted to major before he really bashed me and never returned.

I truly wish I could talk with Juan Carlos again. We are both in such different places any more. Fernando says I could always come there and live at the estate if I ever need to hide out. I think he knew that even if Juan Carlos did not like what I wrote in the book he would be there for me to help save me again.

The next large neighboring estate belongs to his family. I never imagined I'd consider that in light of Junior. Okay, I knew the trip [to Yosemite with us] would have to be "off". I knew that a while back. Definitely since this weeks events. The e-tickets are still yours [Spencer put on his credit card] and Richards [the "Mayor"] (if he adjusted his - I hope so because by now it may be too late).


Junior now has to study for his written license test, pass that, get behind the wheel of someone's car and get through the behind the wheel test. You did the insurance thing, I do not know how long that is good, his tickets are paid. He is clear to try for the driver's license. He opted for leaving the gold at the pawn and opted for not paying his mother the phone bill. He believes his getting the license back on his own was more important. Not a surprise to me, other than a larger stress on my screwed up finances than I expected this week.

He plans to work tomorrow, and Monday. Early this afternoon he got a call from Bradtke, I was there. I heard the conversation. I pray it is true. I do not wish you to worry about being alone here or at your place with Junior. I will not put you in that position. He may however ask you to go with him for his behind the wheel test whenever that is. He thought about knowing someone else with a car and believed he could get them to do it.

You may be in the clear for that. As long as you are not around or near him when he is drinking - or worse, taking drugs and drinking. He says no more alcohol, he also said no more fights and no more drugs. I am bringing no alcohol here or keeping any here. Everything is gone. I had no idea, just none whatsoever. Sigh.

You know how deep my love goes for people, you, him, many others. I cannot ask Nathan to the mixer tomorrow. I do not wish to jeopardize his safety, I love him more than that.

It is the weekend, yes, I almost rather it were still the workweek. All the things you wrote in the list are true. Keep busy, get him working, keep him going towards real goals, get the appointment and the help. God help all of us. > >Love >:Spencer >R6

The "Bashing" by JuniorFrom: "gspencer"
To: "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: Yes, all good ideas . . .
Date: Thu, 1 Aug 2002 19:59:47 -0500

Thank you again for the help. I may have walked somewhere yesterday that I would not really wish to if you had not called and had not shown up to help me, to save me. Talk soon
>Muchos todos
>:Spencer
>R6

From: "gspencer" >
To: "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: Heavy sweats . . .
Date: Tue, 30 Jul 2002 07:00:39 -0500


. . . from a dream workout.

. . . I am sorry about cancelling our part of the trip. If it delays his departure I need to do that. I could not go without him, he will not go. He is not settled and would rather have the help in getting his license back I understand that, you see how he focuses; he does have an attention span.
The jumping around in his head is returning to unfinished business, he does not like unfinished business. Who does? I will have to tell you of the last night being awake - the night and the dawn that coincide with your red morning/sailor's warning. Something happened then.
Some day you will know. The thing that led to his telling me he would leave for Indiana.

From: "gspencer"
To: "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: Starbucks, on my mind . . .
Date: Sun, 28 Jul 2002 16:54:16 -0500

RE: PORTENTS OF TERROR:

There are also things I cannot speak, not because anyone says don't speak of this but because how I would act when I try to voice them. You've seen me recount unpleasant things from my childhood and early years, you can see how difficult that can be. These things, these things I think harder and maybe someday they will all come out. I am writing in the book, Junior's book, I have not written since the last I spoke with you but today as I sit in the living room watching him sleep on the sofa I began to write again. Many anecdotes, what I write will not reflect the terror in my heart and in my soul. The corialis, which way does it turn? Can we set the spin in the other direction? . . .

------------
From: 8776010995@skytel.com
Date: Sun, 28 Jul 2002 23:37:41 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

HI don't know if i will survivor . -gerry spencer

----------

From: "gspencer"
To: "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: He says . . .
Date: Mon, 29 Jul 2002 06:20:55 -0500


. . . if I am not here by the time you get home from work on Monday. I'm gone. Don't expect to see me again. MySteveMan! I am awake all night. Cancel my trip with you. Cancel my life, it won't be the same. I will call you. Love :Spencer
---------------

From: Steven Rhodes
To: gspencer
Sent: Saturday, July 27, 2002 5:12 PM
Subject: Re: Oh . . . I almost forgot . . .

RE: RED SKY VISION

. . . to tell you this one . . . As I was on my way to work this am, just as I was rounding the curve into Evanston, along the lakefront, there was a rose colored sky, so beautiful, it was like none other I'd ever seen. It was glowing all the way out into the western sky! I looked up, over the water, and to my amazement, you'll never believe what I saw!

It was either you or me (with our long hair, just like the Twins,) of all things - KISSING a BEAR! It was not a cloud image that had to be interpreted. It was CLEAR as a BELL! Eros and Orso!

Oh, and, as I was getting off the elevator at work, I heard one of the guys say "Red Sky morning - sailor's warning!" Everyone must have seen something of their own choosing, they always do. I just know what I saw. And I count it as one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. - Steve

Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 14:42:23 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: A Poem for a Moment - "THAT SUMMER"
To: gspencer


Hello Spencer,

I have been touched today. I wasn't expecting it. It just came. So I thought I'd put it to good use. Here it is in it's first email debut. I will write it out in pen and ink for him, as well. Would you please give it to him, for me. . . A poem I wish to dedicate to My Junior. Our Junior. . .

"That Summer Day"

- by Steven Rhodes

So bright the sky, that summer day,

the city toiled, I looked away,

I sketched on napkins, sunned my face,

Sipped my coffee, joined the race.

A friend arrived, back from a trip,

We opened presents, sip by sip,

He spoke of Shakespeare, then the Queen,

nibbling sandwiches, in between.

I felt a rustling in the air,

I turned around, and you were there.


Stories, aires and lands afar,

Of nights and tales of Zanzibar,

Another Knight, so brave, so true,

a dream, a sip, a glance at you!

I turned around, so not to stare,

As heaven landed on that chair.

Feigning interest, thoughs flew high,

I lost my mind, and caught your eye,


The sun beat down, another sip,

My friend still talking of his trip;

Of what he spoke, I know but this,

My eyes on you, I blew you a kiss,

I forged a plan, to pass your way,

While you held court, that Summer Day,

My legs brushed nimbly past your chair,

Our eyes then locked, a bridge on air,

And at that hour, as time stood still,

Eros landed on our hill!

We travelled distances, unknown,

The trips we'd made, the flights we'd flown,

All came rushing back, to chance,

In that one brief, fleeting glance.

It took an hour to pass your chair,

And as I did, I walked on air.

From that moment on I knew,

there'd never be another you,

Oe'r all the world I long to stay,

To dream, to sip, that Summer Day.

July 27, 2002 Dream - Being sucked down a drain . . .
----------
Much pain and anguish in my thoughts - hard to go back to sleep.

- #1 - a boy is on the bed. Trying to act brave. Says he's been stepped on by an elephant. (baby elephant.) He spits up blood several times.

- I told him he has been injured - I can feel the spot he was stepped on. He will die.

---------
- #2 - A group of us is in a house. We just got there.

- Two of my friends were at the kitchen sink and were sucked down the drain by something "down there".

- Whatever it was, it was trying to suck everyone else down the drain, who stood near.
----------
Note #1: I looked up the definition of "Corialis" - the effect of the Earth's gravitational force from either pole, causing the counter-clockwise vs. clockwise - circular motion of water down the sewer or drainpipe. (See last dream blog - 6/8/02 - Re: "Amelia Corrialis".

Note #2: I was studying for MCSE lisence - and "Corialis" happened to be, (coincidentally), the publisher of the series I chose, on the advice of a coworker who got his lisence from that series of study materials.

Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 04:33:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: Not able to decipher . . .
To: gspencer

DREAMS: "ELEPHANTS and DRAINS . . ."


This morning's dreams: (2)

1.) A boy was on the bed. He was in much pain, but trying to be strong. He looked like you, (but could have been Junior, or even my son Jaimie, not sure.) I loved him dearly, tho. He had been stepped on by a baby elephant. He was not smiling anymore. Barely able to speak. Soon, he started spitting up blood. He was hurt real bad. I wanted to put my arms around him, to hug him, but I was afraid I'd hurt him more. I felt his injury. Put my hands on his side. He was dying, no matter if we got him to the hospital or not, then. . . . My friends came, and we went somewhere . . .

2.) . . . We were all in a house, somewhere, like off in a vacation rental. Two of the friends were doing dishes over the sink, and suddenly they were sucked down the drain by something very powerful "down there." My other friend and I knew that if we stood over the drains, anything connected to the drains, we would also be sucked in. (Remember the Corialis effect?) My other friend and I avoided the drains. We watched every step we made, as we moved around the house, and we survived. Just like we survived the terrorist attack, and the systematic chemical poisoning, in those other dreams, I spoke of.

Date: Fri, 19 Jul 2002 05:59:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Eros - my love
To: gerry spencer

RE: THAT LAST THURSDAY

Good Morning,

Been missin' you, in the worst way. Had to use a few shoulders to dry these tears, yesterday. Junior returned my keys. Was not expecting it. He doesn't call me. He just showed up at the door, as I was expecting a guest. (Jerome - the pianist.) I did not know Junior was coming over. He came to get the rest of his things. I have been pretty much in shock, since.

Junior said he likes you better, on the phone, the day before. He even saw Laura, again, instead of coming over that night. That drove a nail thru my heart. My two loves, and a third, together, without me. It is hard to describe from my end, this feeling. Not directed against you, against him, just the hurt of it all.

Ahh - to have found love, and it not to have found me. A hurt, that finds its way into the recesses of your soul . . .

. . .
Will be seeing sister and nieces on Tues. am. Then, the mayor wants to take me to see Gallileo Gallileo, the new Phillip Glass musical. I told him that I hadn't been able to get to see any of you, so we are going alone. We are also up in the air over accomodations for Yosemite. I really need to sit down with everyone and decide what to do about lodging. Everything is booked solid for August. . . .

Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 18:52:55 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: TO BE READ OUT LOUD: The Children of Eden, Part 1: Becoming Junior.
To: gspencer

Has anyone seen Junior? I am getting raked over the coals at least 3 times a day from the Mayor - who is LIVID! Someone please call me. - Steve

--- gspencer wrote:

An excerpt from the first chapter, please read it the first time out loud to Junior:
The Children of Eden, Part 1: Becoming Junior. By
Gerald Spencer, with
Joseph Paul Green Jr. and with Steven Rhodes. Book
design and illustrations
by Steven Rhodes. Songs, poetry and life by Joseph
Paul Green Jr.
copyright 2002, all rights reserved.

". . . Ere Dawn as the children of Eden sleep in their bowers, safe in the embrace of their living home, the Creator gives them dreams. Dreams of the times long before them. Dreams also of the times long to come.
There were no nights during which there was no sleep. There were no nights during which there were no dreams. These are things of later making, things found along the shore of the sea of consciousness when it broke forth from the land with a great painful cry. A soul searing pain breaks the heart of Eden as two young lovers eat of the forbidden fruit.
Far outside the guarded gates a rent is made in Eden's bosom; from it pour the waters of forgetfulness, neglect, pain, jealousy, envy and more; none of them things found within the gate."

MySteveMan and Junior:
I cannot tell you how much I love you; that would require words you have not heard, sounds rare in the universe causing emotions unfathomable. Joseph Paul, Junior, your book is begun; it is not written by me, it is written by three. It will be put to paper on nights such as this; in my solitude, with love guarding my door against loneliness and despair. It will be put to paper on days of light and of happiness, with love that I will store in my soul; the love I shall need to guard my door against loneliness and despair.

I hope you accept my meager words with love. :Spencer R6

Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 15:13:39 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: Corialis . . . some interesting info . . .
To: gspencer

RE: ". . . Planet PL6K2 (christened Corialis)"



That dream about Amelia Corialis keeps popping up in my mind, so I did a search and found some interesting info . . .

Planet PL6K2 (christened Corialis)--My first step in this neverending journey

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ The Channel of Wormholes ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by Jowell on March 02, 19100 at 21:33:02:

I have seemed to come across a new planet. My first step into the unknown in search of information on snapshot SS4C2 has shed light on Corialis, a planet which has been hidden in the depths of nothingness for ages. Its beauty is fathoms deep. The deep magnolian color of it seems to radiate pure energy into my body as I wander through its endless void. Its core is a deep sapphire ocean of myst, swirling and shimmering around my body, engulfing me forever in its softness. I christen it Corialis, a word I have coined. It means "fathomess beauty"
Visit often for updates on my journey.

It is also the counter-clockwise effect on water and drains in the Northern Hemisphere. There is a toy, based on it's effect. It is also a planet in the Star Trek series. It is in a system called Corialis.

She was the soldier, dispatched via a headset radio to fight the terrorists in my dream. "This is Amelia Corialis, signing off. . ."Steve MSM !:@/

Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 12:52:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: Chlor-ene - Chemical Invasion???
To: gspencer

RE: "Pigeons erupt over Dodie's memorial"

Ate alone with Dodie. [at the memorial marker I erected outside Panera]
- A majestic explosion of white doves, (pigeons,) erupted over Dodies memorial site. I counted 16 in all. They sailed high and proud against a deep blue sky. Flew in concentric patterns for about 5 minutes. 16 pigeons - 32 wings. (2 cubed?) Then disappeared. What a wonderful site. It was almost surreal. The dove is the symbol for Eros, btw. Cupid. A message from Dodie, to relay to her bois! Awww - Some!

Thank you for your messages and updates. You are one of God's most awesome, creatures, you know! The other one is on his knees in the bathroom, this time, saying "I'm only 16, what do you expect?" Awwww-Some! Love you guys! So very much!

Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 09:55:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: Smoke Signals across the Sea
To: gspencer

RE: TOBY KEITH'S "My List"

My tears are sort of spilling over a little. Trying to save them for my time with Dodie. Get them all out of the way, all at once. Listening to Toby Keith's "My Li

st" - talks about takin' time out of the busy day to do those important things, that are not usually on our list of things to do, today . . .

(Chorus). . . .

"Like: Go for a walk,

Say a little prayer,

Take a deep breath of mountain air,

Put on my glove and play some catch,

It's time that I make time for that.

Wade the shore and cast a line, Pick up a long lost friend of mine,

Sit on the porch and give my girls a kiss,

Start livin', that's the next thing on my list.

Wouldn't change the course of fate, but

cuttin' the grass just had to wait,

'Cause I've got more important things like

Pushin' my kid on the backyard swing,

I won't break my back for a million bucks,

I can't take to my grave,

Why put off for tomorrow what I could get done today . . .

Like: . . . (Chorus)

Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 07:12:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: Walks thru empty houses . . .To: gspencer


Good Morning, Candles in the Wind,

Burning brightly - ever a beacon - like the lighthouses, scattered along the crooked shoreline - piercing the fog - providing a shimmering map - a map to guide our clumsy ship bows by. Awww - my ship sees your light. It now can hug the shore, not too close, not too far - while it steadily moves out to sea - new adventures - another new year. Each getting better and better. Each ringing with fond memories and old songs to remind us of loves lost. Loves found. I feel proud to hold my love high. Like St. Elmo's fire, this love. It will never go out, never die.

The roses were deep red, almost burgundy on the inside, surrounded by a pale, white, outter layer. They were covered with dew. Which, I noticed, only this morning, when I checked their color to be sure. Plastic dew. But, like sparkiling teardrops, reminding me that even with sadness, there is beauty. Spectacular and deep. But, only for those who care to see it. Those who care to "stop, and smell the roses." To see the dewdrops. A care that My Spencer has helped instill in me. Thank you for calling my attention to such a lovely gift. I think a gift of guilt, but a gift is precious, for whatever reason.

The sandwich was turkey. I ate half. Left the other half for his breakfast in the am. I just wish he had been more at ease with me, while I ate. He could not WAIT to get up and go. He is not as comfortable with me, as he is with you. I felt it took away from the value of the moment. This morning, thought back, and I wondered if it was drugs. He was sweaty. His eyes were glassy. Not buggy, tho. He left, so abruptly, without his substance. Without his booze. With very little money. Left so suddenly, as if he had an appointment. But could not say with whom.

He did not come home last night. My heart was broken. I feared this night. I knew it would be tough. I was geared up for it. I did prepare. I did not freak out. I did not alter one rose, one pair of boots, one coin, one certificate of his. I made my tea, showered and shaved, checked for your light in the window, put on my mule pack, and left for work, as I always do. Forgot my tea. Forgot my tears. But, remembered my love. Remembered my vow. I do know hurt. It knows me. We have an understanding. Only let a little out at a time. No floods. No gushers. Be cool. Be strong. Be Steve.

We are all human. We all have desires. Lusts. Summer and youth. Sex and summer. I have only recently begun to get a handle on my lusts. I am 45. I will not judge, unjustly. It would be selfish. It would be cruel. To expect my charge to have a better grasp than I. He is 27. God bless him for caring. My soul leaps for joi for that. That's why the dew on the roses is so sweet to me. Bittersweet. Poetic. Special, like the one who brought them, who received.


DREAM: "Two Medallions"
I had a recurring vision, last night, just before nodding off. Got up to write it down. Saw the same vision, as I attempted to nap earlier in the afternoon. I saw my neck and upper torso. It was bigger, more defined. It was Junior's. On me. Our neck wore two medallions. One on top of the other, offset by half, so both were visible. On a single chain or ribbon. The top one was brilliant red. Set in rubies and gold. The one behind was lighter gold. They had an emblem on them. Similar to the Ferrari. It came and vanished in a split second. All that information in that instant. I suppose red is for second place. But better to place second, than not at all. Or, it could be red for passion. That, it definitely is. Was. Ouch. That hurts. Well, I said I would be placing a new star on my walk of fame. I guess I was decorated, as well! Yes! A medal of valor for this General, to help get me thru my day. A medal I share with my SPencer. YAY!

DREAM: "Evil Regime"

The rest of the night contained nightmares. One of the worst I have ever experienced. In a nutshell, I was in a school. My X-girlfriend from HS was there. There was an Evil Regime. They were dropping filters into our chimneys. Two chimneys per classroom. The filters did not contain Cyanide or gas. They contained a chemical that would cause us to burn to death. Everything would heat up. The floors the air. And we would roast alive. Slowly. Painfully. We would not know which classroom would be first. They went systematically, one by one. Starting at one end, destroying everyone in the room, then the next room. No one could escape. ALl would die. No one knew the hour, the time. Our classroom was first. We began to burn. Linda and I began to die. But we kept holding on. And holding. And holding. Everyone else was dead. We survived. We learned that they had indeed put Cyanide in the filters, along with the other Chemical. So we were almost unconscious from the fumes, but never died. I awoke, still alive.

I knew it was a miracle. I thought of you. Your prayers. Your fight. I fear, today, that something was taken from your soul, again, in the night, in order to help me survive. I woke up and saw Junior's toothbrush was still dry, when I went into the bathroom. I was still feeling I had been miraculously saved, and felt a strength, as I grasped my heart, before I entered into the living room. Knowing the emptiness that awaited, there. I felt a strength from that dream. It carried me thru my morning routine. WIll carry me thru the day. I shall save my tears for a private moment, today. When Dodie and I see each other, over lunch. I suspect she will also send me a sign. A gift. One which I shall pass on to you, today. For I suspect a piece of you was lost, last night. And, for that I will rush to try and restore, with undue haste.

From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: In to the night . . .
Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 00:11:23 -0500

EMAIL: INRE: Constanzas prophecy . . .

. . . with continuing hope, love and prayer; for all of us, all three of us, all four of us, it doesn't matter how many more of us. I know my love in infinite. I never have a doubt of that, I know its growth, I know it has not a boundary through creation eternal. My love is the ever expanding universe, not a spreading thin universe but a growing one where creation continues at the core for it is there God expects our mansions to be.

I told you that at night I give my love to all those I ever loved, past and present and future. I give my love to God for loving me, for letting me love for letting me be loved. You are among those I name, Junior is among those I name. But it is still true. I do not expect the great fruition of my being to be as I dreamed. I took, I took, I took, I took and took again but did not give as I should.

Constance is right, she said it correctly; "once Romeo and Juliet are together it is the end for this plane, for this ever so flawed but ever so beautiful copy of Eden. They will only be together when once again they walk the paths of Eden with the first Father and with the first Friend. When all of his children, their children join them."

Steve, I cannot tell how much I want Joe's love to be the answer to the call of your heart; how I want for your love to be the answer to the call of his heart. I do, I cannot tell you how so. I love you both so much. As you do, I sit and I weep for the hurt that you both have received. I do not weep for the hurt that I have received for in truth all that has ever been given to me has been beautiful, wonderful; they are roses of gold with thorns of rusted iron.

For tasting of the tree I, with my eternal partner, am damned here. I wish I could breathe right now, it would be a bit less painful but my mortal chest with an immortal heart within is strained beyond what I expected; it is constrained.

As Amset did before me, I am here at the temple gate. I am ready to battle, willing to battle, the courage and might is here. I pray I have learned the wiles necessary to succeed all in a battle to my death once again in the name of love.

Plastic roses and a subway sandwich. Are the roses red? It is important to me to know this. Plastic roses; blooms whose colors are long in fading, a surface beauty lasting longer than so I may survive. I do not wish to leave you here alone and I do not want his child to be destroyed. I stand at my window my arms to the world, I send my love across.

I send it even now, I will risk the real ones; creations of those who were made in the image of the Creator but not the creator Himself. Creations lacking the essence, the attar of the real but on a level that is significant to rival that of God's. A subway sandwich, was it turkey or chicken? It is something more I need to know. A subway sandwich, nourishment for the body, the temple of the soul. It is not making dinner but it is a struggled compromise to fulfill a promise; just as you saw. It is a step, it is a movement that is not without care.

I had keys made this day. I gave Junior a key to my apartment today. He was impatient to learn the lower door code. I should have written it for him. I had another key made for you. I told him, my house is his house just as my heart is his heart. The same goes for you; my house is your house, my heart is your heart. I will see you tomorrow and that is good.

The witching hour approaches, within minutes it is here. Another thread of love I send across this land, a life line bringing you back. It is sent. . .

Date: Sat, 13 Jul 2002 19:10:04 -0700 (PDT)

From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: Prayers for "The Talk"
To: gspencer

EMAIL: INRE: DREAM - "Things will be OKAY!"

. . . The past couple of nights, I was visited by Forest Claypool, who I was introducing to a friend, saying how proud I was of him, and his recent political victory - (but, he told me he was not officially on the Cook County Board, yet. He only won the Democratic nomination.) Not sure what that is all about.

Also visited by Martha, twice, in fact (actress/director who got mad at me when I didn't want to live with her, and marry her.) Met up with her on some road, and she was laughing and talking like she was in really good spirits. Do you think these folks were trying to give me a message? I am thinking that they were saying things were really okay, but not to go jumping to conclusions. Not really sure, tho. . .

From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: Calming down, him; . . .
Date: Sat, 13 Jul 2002 09:12:03 -0500

EMAIL: INRE: "Stand between the world and me"

. . . He astounded me the night we returned, when he came back and wanted me to stand between the world and him; to try to keep him from going wrong that evening. We talked late, he was a bit high, not terribly so, we drank wine slowly and talked a great deal. As we sat on the chest by your window, he said: "My job is to have you and Steve look out for me. That's why I am here. I need you two to love and care for me to help me from doing all the things that hurt me. To help fight the things that will harm me." He rephrased that several times, always coming back to "My job is . . ."
Steve, he was so different when he was talking like that, light from outside him, light from inside him. His words were perfectly enunciated, well chosen words, no smoke influence, no alcohol influence; all of that gone before he went to sleep on top of that chest. Who is Joe? I feel strongly that Joe is Eros. He's a match with him but he is a metamorphosizing Eros.
We expected war with the dark lord, we expected to gird our loins and to take up arms. We expected this before his appearance. I did not expect to take up arms in defense of another, other than ourselves, in selfishness of my love for you. I, who has been watched and guarded, never expected this. I, one who has desired the fruition of a greatest love in the physical sense, will find the greatest love in my heart instead of in my arms or in my bed. It is not what Romeo expected, I thought there were no more lessons to be learned. My mistake is that I thought the lessons were over; they are only now being finished. I thought my books are to be messages to the world, they are that, they are also messages to me. Recount your lessons, Spencer, review what you have studied and recognize what has happened.