Date: Sun, 25 Aug 2002 15:14:39 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: ~Dreamscapes and Prophecies
To: Spencer


Hello My Spencer,

. . . Had another epic dream, last night, I felt I needed to share with you, since I was worried about you, when I went to bed, last night. You were utmost in my prayers, and as it turns out, in my dreams.

It was the most profound dream, yet, and I awoke after only two hours of sleep, to write it down. This one was unique in two ways. One, it happened at the beginning of my night's sleep, and Two, it contained some of the most prophetic and clear messages, to date. When I awoke from it, I grabbed hold of my Bible, which I went to sleep, holding, and opened it up at random, and it just happened to open up to Isaiah 61 - which I'll quote, at the end. . .

. . . Here is the dream . . . (in four parts:)

Part I: There were two of us. We were waiting to go to work one afternoon. We were farmers. Our dad had gone into the fields ahead of us, to "clean" them. We were to follow him, but we weren't sure where he was, nor into which field he had gone.

We would go in and harvest, after him. We looked, and the fields had been subdivided. They had been divided into thirds. And those thirds were further divided into triangles. They fit together, two on the end, and one in the middle, forming rectangles.

Part II: While we were waiting, I went up to a concert arena. I went to buy a ticket. Wasn't sure who was playing, but I told the girl at the ticket office it was the "Big Name". There were only a few tickets left, on either the 9th or 19th or 28th - (not sure if those were rows, or dates.) She was not laughing. No sense of humor. It was as if she was part of some important operation. Anyway, I got my ticket and went into the arena.

Suddenly, I was talking with some kind of church group. I was to lead the music for their praise and worship group - helping them rehearse. There was a piano and a familiar group waiting for my special style of music.

Someone was angry with me for not being prepared the way THEY wanted it to be performed. I stood in front of the congregation, as some sort of prophet, or a leader, and explained to them about how and why it had to be done this way - sort of "enlightened" them, so they could understand my vision. There was only one "right way". I held my position and was very emphatic about it.

Part III: Next we were in a P.O.W camp. Some boy was trying to escape - was being "rescued" by some people from above, pulling him up by a rope. He was rising up a very tall distance through an opening in the roof. The guards were fast approaching. He made it to the top and safely out. I recognized him from somewhere. He made it out, as well as one other person, both to safety. But there were more guards (evil) waiting for both of them (us.) They were easily re-captured. The one boy was forced down into the "splits" - one leg out in front, the other behind, into a sitting position - locked all the way down. He was then pushed forward into a corner - where he was to await his punishment. They did the same to the other person (maybe myself, or another, not sure.)

Part IV: Just then a new character arrived on the scene. Sort of like a gun-totin' cowboy dude - a gigantic man (a giant) - wearing a black hat and shirt and chaps. His hands were steadied over his pistols, as he rode into town on his motorcycle. Everyone was sure to stay out of his way. He was the biggest, baddest cowboy of them all. He was there for a reason - to eliminate the bad guy(s) once and for all. He was many, many times bigger and more powerful, than all the rest. We were all relieved that he was about to clean up this town, once and for all. We felt safe, knowing he was here. Secure. Healthy. Strong. Peaceful.

Then I woke up. I felt as if I had been on a strange journey to a very dangerous and unsettling place, where I could "see" all this happening from above - sort of transported. It felt as if I was alone there, but, I was aware that I was in a protective shield of some sort. It would have been too dangerous for me to go in there and "see" this knowledge, outside of this shield. But, I had been protected by this "force" or "power", I could neither see nor hear. I just "went" with it - whatever "it" was. I was then brought back home. Woke up - very alarmed and disturbed!

Like I said, earlier, I opened up my Bible, I had been hugging onto . . . to Isaiah 61 . . . And this is the part that really freaked me out:

"The Spirit of the Lord God IS upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound.

To proclaim the acceptable year to the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn.

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, (Note: The next part is a popular praise and worship song, we used to do almost every Sunday, coincidentally:)

- To give them beauty for ashes,

- the oil of joy for mourning.

- the garment of praise

- for the spirit of heaviness.

- that they might be called

- Trees of righteousness,

- the planting of the Lord,

that he might be glorified. (End of song) continuing with passage . . .

AND they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.

And strangers shall stand and feed your flocks, and the sons of the alien SHALL BE your plowmen and your vinedressers.

But ye shall be named the Priests of the Lord; MEN shall call you the Ministers of our God; ye shall eat the riches of the Gentiles, and in their glory shall ye boast yourselves.

7.) For your shame ye shall have DOUBLE; and FOR confusion they shall rejoice in their portion; therefor in their land they shall posess the double: everlasting joy shall be unto them.

8.) For I the Lord love judgement, I hate robbery for burnt offering, and I will direct their work in truth, and I will make an everlasting covenant with them.

9.) AND their seed shall be known among the Gentiles, and their offspring among the people; all that see them shall acknowledge them and they ARE the seed WHICH the Lord hath blessed.

10.) I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me WITH the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh HIMSELF with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with jewels.

11.) For as the earth bringeth forth her bud, and as the garden causeth the things that are sown into it to spring forth; so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.

The dream fortold of: 1.) the sowing in the field; 2.) the Praise and Worship song being Priests Ministering the Word; 3.) the prison opening to them that are bound, and proclaiming liberty to the captives; 4.) the gun-slinging giant - or the day of Vengeance to comfort all that mourn.

I was just astonished how all four parts of the dream were right in sync with the Passages. I don't pretend to understand all this - I am just the messenger, here. I wrote it down, word for word, as it happened, so I wouldn't forget. Nor alter.

I feel a real danger coming from your end. I felt very afraid to call or make plans with you, Sunday (today,) after I had previously written you on Friday. Just so you know why I didn't call.

Then, this afternoon, I received a threatening message from Joe - on my machine. I don't know why he is threatening me, out of the blue, like that. I haven't spoken with him since the Mozart concert, nor with you, since the Sunday before I left on vacation. I am going to call the Police and report it, though. As soon as I get home, tonight. I think he is seriously dangerous, and there is no telling where his violent, schizophrenic behavior will end up.

I am holding onto your postcard, by the way. I thought it might trigger a violent reaction, if he saw a letter from me, when I heard he was still there. I will just give it to you in person, when I see you. Will you please call me this week, and let me know how you are, and what the H@#$ is going on. I worry for you, like I have never worried, before. And I am afraid to come around, now, because of his violent behavior. I left my car battery charger in the rental car - (for the cell phone) accidentally - so didn't turn on cell phone earlier in day, to conserve the battery.

I feel our time is short, together, as I mentioned before. I have just submitted my resume to BayRecruiters.com - looking for a job out in the SF area. It may take a couple years at most, to fully relocate, but I have picked out where I want to go, and the details are miraculously falling into place. I will explain, in person. Great things are happening, and cannot wait to tell you all about it. Was hoping to get with you, today, but then, the thing with Junior really has me alarmed.

- The greatest Love for You, humanly possible, and THEN some . . .

- Your Steveman MSM

Love vs Loneliness . . .
Date: Fri, 9 Aug 2002

"Spencer, Gerald" wrote:

. . . lasting regressions? Heartache by the number.

MySteveMan,
yes, a breakdown, a meltdown at seeing yet another sign of a life out of sorts, drifting. Wanted yet unwanted hopes dashed. Love hurts, so who wants it? if it means no hurt but loneliness is pain as well. Loneliness and depression go together; love and agony go together; I don't know which is worse. I want to say love and agony are worse

From: Steven Rhodes [mailto:cubstryper@yahoo.com]

Sent: Friday, August 09, 2002 8:40 AM
To: Spencer, Gerald
Subject: Re: Lasting Impressions

Good Morning My Spencer,

I remember once, meeting my "dream" match. It was shortly after I moved back to Chicago, from the turbulent Belinda years. We had several phone conversations - all lengthy - before meeting. We agreed to meet for lunch, one Summer day.

He came by to pick me up - apologizing for both the Rolls(es) being in the shop, the Caddy was his work car. He was handsome. He was dashing. He was English. Office on LSD - Real Estate and Law - (son or grandson of a Nobleman - who founded the Boy Souts of America.)

We were both seeing stars. I could feel it. I could see he felt it. We sat close to each other on the way to Lunch. All during Lunch. Talking of past relationships, work stories, family, many good topics. We were so different. Yet, we found the common thread in each topic, and laughed and had fun, all thru the course of the afternoon.

A perfect gentleman, he dropped me off, we kissed goodbye, and I got out of the car, and went back up to my apartment, alone. Probably to drink. Drown my sorrows. Drown my feelings. I never called him back. He never called me. The possibility of rejection, overwhelmed me, so I remained isolated. Remained safe.

I wanted to remember him, just the way he was. You see, he had already "become". I was barely even "born". I knew I had a WAYS to go, many, many issues to resolve. Many lessons to learn. Many people to meet. People who would bring enlightenment. Encouragement. Hope. Knowledge.

Different people would bring different gifts, over the years. Helping me to "become". Never took on a lover, in all that time, tho. There were many proposals. Many friends. A few playmates. But NO one I would be able to live with. No one I trusted that much. Except for potentially, that one Englishman. And that, based only on a few conversations, and one date.

I suspect it is the same with Junior. He has barely been "born". Many people to meet. Many lessons to learn. Life will happen. His Destiny is not here. This was only a stop for "food". A banquet, at that! I am all the wiser for having met him. All the stronger. I hope you can say the same.

Hostage Crises on Huron
Date: Wed, 7 Aug 2002 17:26:20 -0700 (PDT

8776010995@skytel.com wrote:

i am at starbucks now for 2.5 hours waiting for junior . he [Junior]said he will come . i call each hour , he is home , now he says no. i need to get him out and to meet me. it is a little thing i need i ask of his love. i will not go home without it . i cannot. call my cell please .SOS Love Spencer & -gerry spencer

-----------------

Date: Wed, 7 Aug 2002 17:26:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: R U OK?
To: 8776010995@skytel.com

Is everything OKAY? What did I have for dessert? What did I tell the old lady at lunch? - MSM

-------------------

From: 8776010995@skytel.com
Date: Wed, 07 Aug 2002 19:48:27 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

- ok. cookies&cream ice cream certainly no problem. -gerry

---------------

From: geraldsp [mailto:gspencer@idolo.com]
Sent: Thursday, August 08, 2002 4:35 PM
To: 'cubstryper@yahoo.com'
Subject: Occasions . . .


. . . Of less comfort.

Phone line: use 312-944-2129 for phone calls, I took the phones off of
312-944-2123.

After the "Bashing"To: "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: critical mass then . . . Date: Fri, 2 Aug 2002 18:37:59 -0500

. . . meltdown. Mine, yours, his?

MySteveMan:

Thank you for being there for me. It meant my whole world to me. You realize that don't you? You mentioned Edward, NATO officer. Big Burly Buff, "was it the same?" In a way, yes, well actually, yes; not in a way. I did not love him. He also did not live with me. 2 Major differences - get that? Major, it is what Edward left as. Met him as a captain he got promoted to major before he really bashed me and never returned.

I truly wish I could talk with Juan Carlos again. We are both in such different places any more. Fernando says I could always come there and live at the estate if I ever need to hide out. I think he knew that even if Juan Carlos did not like what I wrote in the book he would be there for me to help save me again.

The next large neighboring estate belongs to his family. I never imagined I'd consider that in light of Junior. Okay, I knew the trip [to Yosemite with us] would have to be "off". I knew that a while back. Definitely since this weeks events. The e-tickets are still yours [Spencer put on his credit card] and Richards [the "Mayor"] (if he adjusted his - I hope so because by now it may be too late).


Junior now has to study for his written license test, pass that, get behind the wheel of someone's car and get through the behind the wheel test. You did the insurance thing, I do not know how long that is good, his tickets are paid. He is clear to try for the driver's license. He opted for leaving the gold at the pawn and opted for not paying his mother the phone bill. He believes his getting the license back on his own was more important. Not a surprise to me, other than a larger stress on my screwed up finances than I expected this week.

He plans to work tomorrow, and Monday. Early this afternoon he got a call from Bradtke, I was there. I heard the conversation. I pray it is true. I do not wish you to worry about being alone here or at your place with Junior. I will not put you in that position. He may however ask you to go with him for his behind the wheel test whenever that is. He thought about knowing someone else with a car and believed he could get them to do it.

You may be in the clear for that. As long as you are not around or near him when he is drinking - or worse, taking drugs and drinking. He says no more alcohol, he also said no more fights and no more drugs. I am bringing no alcohol here or keeping any here. Everything is gone. I had no idea, just none whatsoever. Sigh.

You know how deep my love goes for people, you, him, many others. I cannot ask Nathan to the mixer tomorrow. I do not wish to jeopardize his safety, I love him more than that.

It is the weekend, yes, I almost rather it were still the workweek. All the things you wrote in the list are true. Keep busy, get him working, keep him going towards real goals, get the appointment and the help. God help all of us. > >Love >:Spencer >R6

The "Bashing" by JuniorFrom: "gspencer"
To: "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: Yes, all good ideas . . .
Date: Thu, 1 Aug 2002 19:59:47 -0500

Thank you again for the help. I may have walked somewhere yesterday that I would not really wish to if you had not called and had not shown up to help me, to save me. Talk soon
>Muchos todos
>:Spencer
>R6

From: "gspencer" >
To: "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: Heavy sweats . . .
Date: Tue, 30 Jul 2002 07:00:39 -0500


. . . from a dream workout.

. . . I am sorry about cancelling our part of the trip. If it delays his departure I need to do that. I could not go without him, he will not go. He is not settled and would rather have the help in getting his license back I understand that, you see how he focuses; he does have an attention span.
The jumping around in his head is returning to unfinished business, he does not like unfinished business. Who does? I will have to tell you of the last night being awake - the night and the dawn that coincide with your red morning/sailor's warning. Something happened then.
Some day you will know. The thing that led to his telling me he would leave for Indiana.

From: "gspencer"
To: "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: Starbucks, on my mind . . .
Date: Sun, 28 Jul 2002 16:54:16 -0500

RE: PORTENTS OF TERROR:

There are also things I cannot speak, not because anyone says don't speak of this but because how I would act when I try to voice them. You've seen me recount unpleasant things from my childhood and early years, you can see how difficult that can be. These things, these things I think harder and maybe someday they will all come out. I am writing in the book, Junior's book, I have not written since the last I spoke with you but today as I sit in the living room watching him sleep on the sofa I began to write again. Many anecdotes, what I write will not reflect the terror in my heart and in my soul. The corialis, which way does it turn? Can we set the spin in the other direction? . . .

------------
From: 8776010995@skytel.com
Date: Sun, 28 Jul 2002 23:37:41 CDT
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com

HI don't know if i will survivor . -gerry spencer

----------

From: "gspencer"
To: "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: He says . . .
Date: Mon, 29 Jul 2002 06:20:55 -0500


. . . if I am not here by the time you get home from work on Monday. I'm gone. Don't expect to see me again. MySteveMan! I am awake all night. Cancel my trip with you. Cancel my life, it won't be the same. I will call you. Love :Spencer
---------------

From: Steven Rhodes
To: gspencer
Sent: Saturday, July 27, 2002 5:12 PM
Subject: Re: Oh . . . I almost forgot . . .

RE: RED SKY VISION

. . . to tell you this one . . . As I was on my way to work this am, just as I was rounding the curve into Evanston, along the lakefront, there was a rose colored sky, so beautiful, it was like none other I'd ever seen. It was glowing all the way out into the western sky! I looked up, over the water, and to my amazement, you'll never believe what I saw!

It was either you or me (with our long hair, just like the Twins,) of all things - KISSING a BEAR! It was not a cloud image that had to be interpreted. It was CLEAR as a BELL! Eros and Orso!

Oh, and, as I was getting off the elevator at work, I heard one of the guys say "Red Sky morning - sailor's warning!" Everyone must have seen something of their own choosing, they always do. I just know what I saw. And I count it as one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. - Steve

Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 14:42:23 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: A Poem for a Moment - "THAT SUMMER"
To: gspencer


Hello Spencer,

I have been touched today. I wasn't expecting it. It just came. So I thought I'd put it to good use. Here it is in it's first email debut. I will write it out in pen and ink for him, as well. Would you please give it to him, for me. . . A poem I wish to dedicate to My Junior. Our Junior. . .

"That Summer Day"

- by Steven Rhodes

So bright the sky, that summer day,

the city toiled, I looked away,

I sketched on napkins, sunned my face,

Sipped my coffee, joined the race.

A friend arrived, back from a trip,

We opened presents, sip by sip,

He spoke of Shakespeare, then the Queen,

nibbling sandwiches, in between.

I felt a rustling in the air,

I turned around, and you were there.


Stories, aires and lands afar,

Of nights and tales of Zanzibar,

Another Knight, so brave, so true,

a dream, a sip, a glance at you!

I turned around, so not to stare,

As heaven landed on that chair.

Feigning interest, thoughs flew high,

I lost my mind, and caught your eye,


The sun beat down, another sip,

My friend still talking of his trip;

Of what he spoke, I know but this,

My eyes on you, I blew you a kiss,

I forged a plan, to pass your way,

While you held court, that Summer Day,

My legs brushed nimbly past your chair,

Our eyes then locked, a bridge on air,

And at that hour, as time stood still,

Eros landed on our hill!

We travelled distances, unknown,

The trips we'd made, the flights we'd flown,

All came rushing back, to chance,

In that one brief, fleeting glance.

It took an hour to pass your chair,

And as I did, I walked on air.

From that moment on I knew,

there'd never be another you,

Oe'r all the world I long to stay,

To dream, to sip, that Summer Day.

July 27, 2002 Dream - Being sucked down a drain . . .
----------
Much pain and anguish in my thoughts - hard to go back to sleep.

- #1 - a boy is on the bed. Trying to act brave. Says he's been stepped on by an elephant. (baby elephant.) He spits up blood several times.

- I told him he has been injured - I can feel the spot he was stepped on. He will die.

---------
- #2 - A group of us is in a house. We just got there.

- Two of my friends were at the kitchen sink and were sucked down the drain by something "down there".

- Whatever it was, it was trying to suck everyone else down the drain, who stood near.
----------
Note #1: I looked up the definition of "Corialis" - the effect of the Earth's gravitational force from either pole, causing the counter-clockwise vs. clockwise - circular motion of water down the sewer or drainpipe. (See last dream blog - 6/8/02 - Re: "Amelia Corrialis".

Note #2: I was studying for MCSE lisence - and "Corialis" happened to be, (coincidentally), the publisher of the series I chose, on the advice of a coworker who got his lisence from that series of study materials.

Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 04:33:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: Steven Rhodes
Subject: Re: Not able to decipher . . .
To: gspencer

DREAMS: "ELEPHANTS and DRAINS . . ."


This morning's dreams: (2)

1.) A boy was on the bed. He was in much pain, but trying to be strong. He looked like you, (but could have been Junior, or even my son Jaimie, not sure.) I loved him dearly, tho. He had been stepped on by a baby elephant. He was not smiling anymore. Barely able to speak. Soon, he started spitting up blood. He was hurt real bad. I wanted to put my arms around him, to hug him, but I was afraid I'd hurt him more. I felt his injury. Put my hands on his side. He was dying, no matter if we got him to the hospital or not, then. . . . My friends came, and we went somewhere . . .

2.) . . . We were all in a house, somewhere, like off in a vacation rental. Two of the friends were doing dishes over the sink, and suddenly they were sucked down the drain by something very powerful "down there." My other friend and I knew that if we stood over the drains, anything connected to the drains, we would also be sucked in. (Remember the Corialis effect?) My other friend and I avoided the drains. We watched every step we made, as we moved around the house, and we survived. Just like we survived the terrorist attack, and the systematic chemical poisoning, in those other dreams, I spoke of.

Date: Fri, 19 Jul 2002 05:59:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Eros - my love
To: gerry spencer

RE: THAT LAST THURSDAY

Good Morning,

Been missin' you, in the worst way. Had to use a few shoulders to dry these tears, yesterday. Junior returned my keys. Was not expecting it. He doesn't call me. He just showed up at the door, as I was expecting a guest. (Jerome - the pianist.) I did not know Junior was coming over. He came to get the rest of his things. I have been pretty much in shock, since.

Junior said he likes you better, on the phone, the day before. He even saw Laura, again, instead of coming over that night. That drove a nail thru my heart. My two loves, and a third, together, without me. It is hard to describe from my end, this feeling. Not directed against you, against him, just the hurt of it all.

Ahh - to have found love, and it not to have found me. A hurt, that finds its way into the recesses of your soul . . .

. . .
Will be seeing sister and nieces on Tues. am. Then, the mayor wants to take me to see Gallileo Gallileo, the new Phillip Glass musical. I told him that I hadn't been able to get to see any of you, so we are going alone. We are also up in the air over accomodations for Yosemite. I really need to sit down with everyone and decide what to do about lodging. Everything is booked solid for August. . . .

Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 18:52:55 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: TO BE READ OUT LOUD: The Children of Eden, Part 1: Becoming Junior.
To: gspencer

Has anyone seen Junior? I am getting raked over the coals at least 3 times a day from the Mayor - who is LIVID! Someone please call me. - Steve

--- gspencer wrote:

An excerpt from the first chapter, please read it the first time out loud to Junior:
The Children of Eden, Part 1: Becoming Junior. By
Gerald Spencer, with
Joseph Paul Green Jr. and with Steven Rhodes. Book
design and illustrations
by Steven Rhodes. Songs, poetry and life by Joseph
Paul Green Jr.
copyright 2002, all rights reserved.

". . . Ere Dawn as the children of Eden sleep in their bowers, safe in the embrace of their living home, the Creator gives them dreams. Dreams of the times long before them. Dreams also of the times long to come.
There were no nights during which there was no sleep. There were no nights during which there were no dreams. These are things of later making, things found along the shore of the sea of consciousness when it broke forth from the land with a great painful cry. A soul searing pain breaks the heart of Eden as two young lovers eat of the forbidden fruit.
Far outside the guarded gates a rent is made in Eden's bosom; from it pour the waters of forgetfulness, neglect, pain, jealousy, envy and more; none of them things found within the gate."

MySteveMan and Junior:
I cannot tell you how much I love you; that would require words you have not heard, sounds rare in the universe causing emotions unfathomable. Joseph Paul, Junior, your book is begun; it is not written by me, it is written by three. It will be put to paper on nights such as this; in my solitude, with love guarding my door against loneliness and despair. It will be put to paper on days of light and of happiness, with love that I will store in my soul; the love I shall need to guard my door against loneliness and despair.

I hope you accept my meager words with love. :Spencer R6

Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 15:13:39 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: Corialis . . . some interesting info . . .
To: gspencer

RE: ". . . Planet PL6K2 (christened Corialis)"



That dream about Amelia Corialis keeps popping up in my mind, so I did a search and found some interesting info . . .

Planet PL6K2 (christened Corialis)--My first step in this neverending journey

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ The Channel of Wormholes ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by Jowell on March 02, 19100 at 21:33:02:

I have seemed to come across a new planet. My first step into the unknown in search of information on snapshot SS4C2 has shed light on Corialis, a planet which has been hidden in the depths of nothingness for ages. Its beauty is fathoms deep. The deep magnolian color of it seems to radiate pure energy into my body as I wander through its endless void. Its core is a deep sapphire ocean of myst, swirling and shimmering around my body, engulfing me forever in its softness. I christen it Corialis, a word I have coined. It means "fathomess beauty"
Visit often for updates on my journey.

It is also the counter-clockwise effect on water and drains in the Northern Hemisphere. There is a toy, based on it's effect. It is also a planet in the Star Trek series. It is in a system called Corialis.

She was the soldier, dispatched via a headset radio to fight the terrorists in my dream. "This is Amelia Corialis, signing off. . ."Steve MSM !:@/

Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 12:52:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: Chlor-ene - Chemical Invasion???
To: gspencer

RE: "Pigeons erupt over Dodie's memorial"

Ate alone with Dodie. [at the memorial marker I erected outside Panera]
- A majestic explosion of white doves, (pigeons,) erupted over Dodies memorial site. I counted 16 in all. They sailed high and proud against a deep blue sky. Flew in concentric patterns for about 5 minutes. 16 pigeons - 32 wings. (2 cubed?) Then disappeared. What a wonderful site. It was almost surreal. The dove is the symbol for Eros, btw. Cupid. A message from Dodie, to relay to her bois! Awww - Some!

Thank you for your messages and updates. You are one of God's most awesome, creatures, you know! The other one is on his knees in the bathroom, this time, saying "I'm only 16, what do you expect?" Awwww-Some! Love you guys! So very much!

Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 09:55:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: Smoke Signals across the Sea
To: gspencer

RE: TOBY KEITH'S "My List"

My tears are sort of spilling over a little. Trying to save them for my time with Dodie. Get them all out of the way, all at once. Listening to Toby Keith's "My Li

st" - talks about takin' time out of the busy day to do those important things, that are not usually on our list of things to do, today . . .

(Chorus). . . .

"Like: Go for a walk,

Say a little prayer,

Take a deep breath of mountain air,

Put on my glove and play some catch,

It's time that I make time for that.

Wade the shore and cast a line, Pick up a long lost friend of mine,

Sit on the porch and give my girls a kiss,

Start livin', that's the next thing on my list.

Wouldn't change the course of fate, but

cuttin' the grass just had to wait,

'Cause I've got more important things like

Pushin' my kid on the backyard swing,

I won't break my back for a million bucks,

I can't take to my grave,

Why put off for tomorrow what I could get done today . . .

Like: . . . (Chorus)

Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 07:12:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: Walks thru empty houses . . .To: gspencer


Good Morning, Candles in the Wind,

Burning brightly - ever a beacon - like the lighthouses, scattered along the crooked shoreline - piercing the fog - providing a shimmering map - a map to guide our clumsy ship bows by. Awww - my ship sees your light. It now can hug the shore, not too close, not too far - while it steadily moves out to sea - new adventures - another new year. Each getting better and better. Each ringing with fond memories and old songs to remind us of loves lost. Loves found. I feel proud to hold my love high. Like St. Elmo's fire, this love. It will never go out, never die.

The roses were deep red, almost burgundy on the inside, surrounded by a pale, white, outter layer. They were covered with dew. Which, I noticed, only this morning, when I checked their color to be sure. Plastic dew. But, like sparkiling teardrops, reminding me that even with sadness, there is beauty. Spectacular and deep. But, only for those who care to see it. Those who care to "stop, and smell the roses." To see the dewdrops. A care that My Spencer has helped instill in me. Thank you for calling my attention to such a lovely gift. I think a gift of guilt, but a gift is precious, for whatever reason.

The sandwich was turkey. I ate half. Left the other half for his breakfast in the am. I just wish he had been more at ease with me, while I ate. He could not WAIT to get up and go. He is not as comfortable with me, as he is with you. I felt it took away from the value of the moment. This morning, thought back, and I wondered if it was drugs. He was sweaty. His eyes were glassy. Not buggy, tho. He left, so abruptly, without his substance. Without his booze. With very little money. Left so suddenly, as if he had an appointment. But could not say with whom.

He did not come home last night. My heart was broken. I feared this night. I knew it would be tough. I was geared up for it. I did prepare. I did not freak out. I did not alter one rose, one pair of boots, one coin, one certificate of his. I made my tea, showered and shaved, checked for your light in the window, put on my mule pack, and left for work, as I always do. Forgot my tea. Forgot my tears. But, remembered my love. Remembered my vow. I do know hurt. It knows me. We have an understanding. Only let a little out at a time. No floods. No gushers. Be cool. Be strong. Be Steve.

We are all human. We all have desires. Lusts. Summer and youth. Sex and summer. I have only recently begun to get a handle on my lusts. I am 45. I will not judge, unjustly. It would be selfish. It would be cruel. To expect my charge to have a better grasp than I. He is 27. God bless him for caring. My soul leaps for joi for that. That's why the dew on the roses is so sweet to me. Bittersweet. Poetic. Special, like the one who brought them, who received.


DREAM: "Two Medallions"
I had a recurring vision, last night, just before nodding off. Got up to write it down. Saw the same vision, as I attempted to nap earlier in the afternoon. I saw my neck and upper torso. It was bigger, more defined. It was Junior's. On me. Our neck wore two medallions. One on top of the other, offset by half, so both were visible. On a single chain or ribbon. The top one was brilliant red. Set in rubies and gold. The one behind was lighter gold. They had an emblem on them. Similar to the Ferrari. It came and vanished in a split second. All that information in that instant. I suppose red is for second place. But better to place second, than not at all. Or, it could be red for passion. That, it definitely is. Was. Ouch. That hurts. Well, I said I would be placing a new star on my walk of fame. I guess I was decorated, as well! Yes! A medal of valor for this General, to help get me thru my day. A medal I share with my SPencer. YAY!

DREAM: "Evil Regime"

The rest of the night contained nightmares. One of the worst I have ever experienced. In a nutshell, I was in a school. My X-girlfriend from HS was there. There was an Evil Regime. They were dropping filters into our chimneys. Two chimneys per classroom. The filters did not contain Cyanide or gas. They contained a chemical that would cause us to burn to death. Everything would heat up. The floors the air. And we would roast alive. Slowly. Painfully. We would not know which classroom would be first. They went systematically, one by one. Starting at one end, destroying everyone in the room, then the next room. No one could escape. ALl would die. No one knew the hour, the time. Our classroom was first. We began to burn. Linda and I began to die. But we kept holding on. And holding. And holding. Everyone else was dead. We survived. We learned that they had indeed put Cyanide in the filters, along with the other Chemical. So we were almost unconscious from the fumes, but never died. I awoke, still alive.

I knew it was a miracle. I thought of you. Your prayers. Your fight. I fear, today, that something was taken from your soul, again, in the night, in order to help me survive. I woke up and saw Junior's toothbrush was still dry, when I went into the bathroom. I was still feeling I had been miraculously saved, and felt a strength, as I grasped my heart, before I entered into the living room. Knowing the emptiness that awaited, there. I felt a strength from that dream. It carried me thru my morning routine. WIll carry me thru the day. I shall save my tears for a private moment, today. When Dodie and I see each other, over lunch. I suspect she will also send me a sign. A gift. One which I shall pass on to you, today. For I suspect a piece of you was lost, last night. And, for that I will rush to try and restore, with undue haste.

From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: In to the night . . .
Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 00:11:23 -0500

EMAIL: INRE: Constanzas prophecy . . .

. . . with continuing hope, love and prayer; for all of us, all three of us, all four of us, it doesn't matter how many more of us. I know my love in infinite. I never have a doubt of that, I know its growth, I know it has not a boundary through creation eternal. My love is the ever expanding universe, not a spreading thin universe but a growing one where creation continues at the core for it is there God expects our mansions to be.

I told you that at night I give my love to all those I ever loved, past and present and future. I give my love to God for loving me, for letting me love for letting me be loved. You are among those I name, Junior is among those I name. But it is still true. I do not expect the great fruition of my being to be as I dreamed. I took, I took, I took, I took and took again but did not give as I should.

Constance is right, she said it correctly; "once Romeo and Juliet are together it is the end for this plane, for this ever so flawed but ever so beautiful copy of Eden. They will only be together when once again they walk the paths of Eden with the first Father and with the first Friend. When all of his children, their children join them."

Steve, I cannot tell how much I want Joe's love to be the answer to the call of your heart; how I want for your love to be the answer to the call of his heart. I do, I cannot tell you how so. I love you both so much. As you do, I sit and I weep for the hurt that you both have received. I do not weep for the hurt that I have received for in truth all that has ever been given to me has been beautiful, wonderful; they are roses of gold with thorns of rusted iron.

For tasting of the tree I, with my eternal partner, am damned here. I wish I could breathe right now, it would be a bit less painful but my mortal chest with an immortal heart within is strained beyond what I expected; it is constrained.

As Amset did before me, I am here at the temple gate. I am ready to battle, willing to battle, the courage and might is here. I pray I have learned the wiles necessary to succeed all in a battle to my death once again in the name of love.

Plastic roses and a subway sandwich. Are the roses red? It is important to me to know this. Plastic roses; blooms whose colors are long in fading, a surface beauty lasting longer than so I may survive. I do not wish to leave you here alone and I do not want his child to be destroyed. I stand at my window my arms to the world, I send my love across.

I send it even now, I will risk the real ones; creations of those who were made in the image of the Creator but not the creator Himself. Creations lacking the essence, the attar of the real but on a level that is significant to rival that of God's. A subway sandwich, was it turkey or chicken? It is something more I need to know. A subway sandwich, nourishment for the body, the temple of the soul. It is not making dinner but it is a struggled compromise to fulfill a promise; just as you saw. It is a step, it is a movement that is not without care.

I had keys made this day. I gave Junior a key to my apartment today. He was impatient to learn the lower door code. I should have written it for him. I had another key made for you. I told him, my house is his house just as my heart is his heart. The same goes for you; my house is your house, my heart is your heart. I will see you tomorrow and that is good.

The witching hour approaches, within minutes it is here. Another thread of love I send across this land, a life line bringing you back. It is sent. . .

Date: Sat, 13 Jul 2002 19:10:04 -0700 (PDT)

From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: Prayers for "The Talk"
To: gspencer

EMAIL: INRE: DREAM - "Things will be OKAY!"

. . . The past couple of nights, I was visited by Forest Claypool, who I was introducing to a friend, saying how proud I was of him, and his recent political victory - (but, he told me he was not officially on the Cook County Board, yet. He only won the Democratic nomination.) Not sure what that is all about.

Also visited by Martha, twice, in fact (actress/director who got mad at me when I didn't want to live with her, and marry her.) Met up with her on some road, and she was laughing and talking like she was in really good spirits. Do you think these folks were trying to give me a message? I am thinking that they were saying things were really okay, but not to go jumping to conclusions. Not really sure, tho. . .

From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: Calming down, him; . . .
Date: Sat, 13 Jul 2002 09:12:03 -0500

EMAIL: INRE: "Stand between the world and me"

. . . He astounded me the night we returned, when he came back and wanted me to stand between the world and him; to try to keep him from going wrong that evening. We talked late, he was a bit high, not terribly so, we drank wine slowly and talked a great deal. As we sat on the chest by your window, he said: "My job is to have you and Steve look out for me. That's why I am here. I need you two to love and care for me to help me from doing all the things that hurt me. To help fight the things that will harm me." He rephrased that several times, always coming back to "My job is . . ."
Steve, he was so different when he was talking like that, light from outside him, light from inside him. His words were perfectly enunciated, well chosen words, no smoke influence, no alcohol influence; all of that gone before he went to sleep on top of that chest. Who is Joe? I feel strongly that Joe is Eros. He's a match with him but he is a metamorphosizing Eros.
We expected war with the dark lord, we expected to gird our loins and to take up arms. We expected this before his appearance. I did not expect to take up arms in defense of another, other than ourselves, in selfishness of my love for you. I, who has been watched and guarded, never expected this. I, one who has desired the fruition of a greatest love in the physical sense, will find the greatest love in my heart instead of in my arms or in my bed. It is not what Romeo expected, I thought there were no more lessons to be learned. My mistake is that I thought the lessons were over; they are only now being finished. I thought my books are to be messages to the world, they are that, they are also messages to me. Recount your lessons, Spencer, review what you have studied and recognize what has happened.

Date: Fri, 12 Jul 2002 14:33:01 -0700 (PDT)
EMAIL:

INRE: Joe's first day - and Roadtrip

Letter to Karol . . . .

Hello, Karol, Love,

Just got back from a much needed road trip - still kind of in a daze. Spencer and I took our greek god-son down to Southern Ill. to visit my mom, spent the night, Monday, then drove over to Southern Indiana to meet Joe's family, and pick up some paperwork, his mom had for him. Everything went like clockwork, on schedule, no problems, and got back home, safely, last night - had a wonderful time. This day trip is sort of a continuation of the original Monday story . . . it HAS been a whirlwind~! . . .

. . . Where were we . . . oh, yes - Spencer, Joe and I had just finished having our first Dinner all-together at Swillers - looked up and it was dark - three hours had just slipped by, as if they were seconds! . . . We couldn't stop there - so we gathered our things, and walked over to a coffee shop, just down the street, and managed to get three prime seats, outdoors, many people to watch in the Streeterville area, - and continued our wonderful chance-meeting, earlier in the afternoon, (Joe and I). (During the time I was to be on the phone with you, btw.)

Spencer and I went inside the cafe, and ordered our coffees, while Joe watched our seats. We picked up our drinks at the counter, and were adding our sugar/cream, etc. which was at the window, right in front of where Joe was sitting, and as I looked out at him, (he was unable to see us) - I could see the pain and the hurt underneath his _expression. It was just the saddest thing I could ever describe. Spencer and I just about "lost" it, right there in the coffee shop - when I reached over and whispered to him, what I saw. That vision has etched a permanent place in my soul, and I shall never be able to forget it.

So, we brought out our coffees and deserts to place before our boi, bringing the sparkle back to his weary eyes, - and spent at least another two hours telling stories, reading passages from Spencerer's book, laughing, and forgetting time, while Joe recited two poems and a rap song he had written!

We left the coffee shop, and I asked Joe to come back and spend the night, so he would not be on the street, alone, or as a "pick-up" from some stranger. We all walked over to the subway, Spencer slipped me $100 to help get the boi home to his parents, or wherever he needed to go, and we boarded the train, waving goodbye (to Spencer), and left for my house.

I have never enjoyed a train ride, as much as that night! I could not keep my eyes off him, and vice versa. We laughed and joked around, the entire way. Got back home, and spent at least two more hours talking - finally got him to relax and lay back in my arms, and his body melted like warm butter into mine. We spent at least another two hours just caressing and fooling around, etc., (safe sex) before finally cuddling up in bed for the night. (Actually the morning!)

The next day, Joe had managed to wake up early, with no alarm clock - went to court (misdemeanor charge) - and had his charge dropped, just as he said it would. He had three job interviews, and followed up on a contracting job, thru my friend ("the Mayor), that very afternoon. I took him over to try and retrieve some of his things, but was unsuccessful. His boots were among the posessions he had lost, and without them, his boss wouldn't permit him to come back to work. (He was looking for a homeless shelter, that Monday, when I met him, and had just lost his job, on top of that.)

Well, Wednsesday rolled around, and he wanted to go out with one of his friends, who had helped him with a place to stay, before, (I had met him on Tuesday - a black guy who works as a nurse at one of the rehab hospitals, just up the street from me.) They wanted me to meet them at 6pm, at the bar where his friend hangs out, which I did. Then, we were to go to Navy Pier for the big fireworks display (3rd of July!)

As they were leaving the bar, his friend, (Louie) - saw an old man who could barely walk, and went over to help him. His back had gone out on him, and he was drunk, no less! Louie (still wearing his green nurse's scrubs from work,) asked me if I would mind giving him a ride home, just around the corner. (Something neither Joe nor I would have done, btw.) Well, as Joe and Louie were helping him around to put him in my truck, Joe's wallet fell out on the ground, somewhere, unbeknownst to us, and we were already down the street, when he noticed it! We rushed back, but it was no longer there. (Or the old man could have lifted it, we just will never know!) That wallet was the only thing Joe had left in this world - the $120 from the contracting job he had just started, his ID, his SS card, and his birth cert.

Well, we had a pretty intense scene, there, with Joe's spirit, absolutely broken, in tears, shaking, and destitute. My heart just broke. His life, already broken. Louie and I sat with him, dabbed at his tears, and talked him down, comforted him for about an hour. We then took Louie home, and I brought Joe back to my house for the night, and I sat up with him, holding him, telling him how "special" he really was, and how sometimes impossible obstacles come our way, to help make us stronger. To "test" us. And, sometimes to bring us messages. And, how many times, these things happen, just before something really good is about to happen. We are always in danger of attack from the enemy (the "Dark One", Satan, Evil Forces,) - and we must always remain close to God, for Protection.

I reminded him that "Our steps are ordered of the Lord," and told him to just look around him - to see that he is safe, and out of harm's way. That it could always be "worse" - told him I'd gladly trade my wallet for my two children that I had lost in my bitter breakup with my wife. Told him how proud I was that he tried to help that guy, in the first place. How impressed I was with his energy and motivation - to get a well-paying contracting job, and go on 3 interviews, the very FIRST day he had a place to actually work from, meaning to shower, use the phone, sleep in a bed, etc.

Well, we had a picnic, spent July 4th together, side by side, all day, also had Spencer over to join us. Sat on our blanket out near the beach, held hands, and told each other of past holidays, and Joe told us, that this was the best 4th of July he had EVER had.

July 5th, he worked on the contracting job, thru the weekend, installing a new kitchen floor - which turned out beautifully - Joe insisted on cooking for us on Sunday - to thank us for all our help - and I went home to a sumptuous home-cooked meal, compliments of him, Sunday night, with all my dear friends, the "mayor," Spencer, Joe and I, gathered around the table. We prayed over the meal, and for one another, and had the best time, I think one could ever have. Joe bought me a Zippo lighter, (for my cigars) with his contracting money, (bought one for each of us.) which I think I shall keep, the rest of my life, as one of the dearest gifts I have ever received.

I told Joe, I would take him down to his parent's house to pick up some important documents from his parents - and we'd help him get his ID back, and apply for his SS and his birth certificate. Spencer has absolutely fallen in love with him, as well, and we all three took a road trip together to meet each others' families, and all. We had a rough time getting all the necessary "points" to get his state ID, and had to spend one extra day, down there, in order to get the necessary paperwork. But - we left Indiana WITH his new ID, and all the necessary paperwork he needs to get the rest of his papers. (His mom had to come with us in order make that happen.)

. . . Well, there is more, but I must continue, later, as I am at work, and I have run out of time, for now.

From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: It is not a wonder that I love you . . .
Date: Sat, 6 Jul 2002 14:05:10 -0500

A beautiful letter from you, thank you, each one is a gift and I eagerly take them as such; taking them as I do your minutes, your hours, your days, your energy, your love. I hold, I hoard, them to my heart.

MySteveMan, laying on the floor, Joseph next to you, I saw you and I felt my love for both. In a moment I remembered Luis, Marcela, Carol on the couch in Seville as I walked in the room after getting my cigarettes. I recalled the love I have for Luis and Marcela and I felt it overlaid by the love I have for you and for Joseph. I was frightened to recognize that once more and felt I shouldn't be there; that I should have walked away with my heart full of love for the two of you. Just as I did that last night in Seville; love unchanging, undiminished by time and space. I didn't want anything to hurt that love, nothing to move it away from my being; not knowing what to do, how to move forward.

The need for your love is greater than the need to preserve that moment; I stayed, I would let the moment pass and grow and I would grow with it. I would be with your love, I would feel your love, I would see your love and feel my love for you deepen. It deepened as Joseph laid his head on you, as you held hands, as I watched the smile on your face. I now know why. All the uncompleted, all the failings, all the times I turned my back on love stop now.

All the love I ever felt for anyone is still in me, always has been, always will be. Love is infinite, love is boundless as the sea. I feel it wash over us. Love is not monogamous, I knew that all along. Guy felt that in me; he wanted it to be monogamous, I wanted it to be monogamous because he did. How did I cut off my love for others during that time? I only hid it, not acting on it, an act more shameful than any. I will not do it again. Love bottled, love restrained, like the earth's life blood, magma, spewing forth in waves destroying all in its path, poisoning the air; countless generations before renewal: no more. Instead, let it lap the shores as the sea, as it does the countless grains of sand there, the countless lives of countless souls. Let it hug them, love them, nourish them, care for them. Let it join, let it grow, let it get all that much bigger, all that much deeper, all that much powerful.
Any more words are less. How can I end this as I've ended emails before? Can
I end this? No. Huggs Kisses Love Caring In any order :Spencer

EMAIL
From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper" , "Steven Rhodes"
Subject: Leveraging the night . . .
Date: Sat, 6 Jul 2002 10:20:10 -0500

. . . with unfulfilled sex drive and vivid dreams of three worlds combined.

Good morning MySteveMan, Love.

. . .

I had a terribly fitful night's sleep, dreamscapes of between stone and >fluff. You were with me through the entire dream, at may side, many times hand in hand, arms around waist or over shoulder. Descending or ascending through them I am not sure.

People that are here now and people who have been here and passed on. A very angry current staffer in the fluff of all places trying to build hard concrete things there for me; trying to make me happy. I was having a very difficult time dealing with him. I did not want the hard things, the realities to be inbetween the rock places. My old friend Ann (now at NIST who sent you LSAT) was there trying to console me; telling me that he meant well.

I kept waking up during the dreams, rolling over on my hard on; ouch. I think I maintained it all through the night; every time I woke up there it was begging for release but the dreams drawing me back into them - making it wait. It was there in the morning, waiting for me - no release yet.

In the dreams a surprise in the soft places; as through the night you are with me and so was Joe. We came up behind him finding him kneeling on the clouds trying to pull something to eat out of a semi-soft vending machine. On realizing we were there he turns to us, looks up with those beautiful eyes and says "What do you expect from an 18 year old?" My heart broke immediately, the dream was over and I had to leave my bed, I was in great pain all over. I've never had someone so new to my consciousness come into my dreams and for him to wake me with that comment. I also never had a constant companion in a such a sequence of dreams.

I should have gone back to bed after the pain eased. I had all of three hours sleep and that being broken. I did not go back to bed. I think I did not want to see what is next; or the pain woke me because I wasn't meant to see what was next.

So I will not delay further in telling you this: The mayor kept calling Joe and I by your name. Steven this and Steven that. Joe caught it first. At first I thought he was telling us about a conversation between you. He spoke through the evening of you a great deal, always referring back to you and saying how much he wished you were with us. I, also, would have liked that but I have to say that I needed to be with the Mayor through the evening without you. Finding out I care about him for him as well as for his relationship with you; which you explained for me previously and set forth again in your letter to Karol. I really do like him. . .

. . . There is an unfathomable amount of love flowing through all of you and an unmistakable bond meant to be. . .

. . . I feel a thread from me out my window up the street to Joe and Richard; a thread soaring across the skyline heading north, wrapping around your abode and going north to you as you sit at work.

The sky is overcast today, its a pall that cannot break the bond. Your email to Karol is incomplete, a thing left unsaid and I wonder why. Is it because you are unsure, because we are unsure, all of us unsure? We cannot have unsteady legs any longer. Sunday, after work, we talk - you and I, maybe all of us. It doesn't matter to me who else will be there. The sun is trying to burn through the pall, it will.

Again, I hope you are having a good day.
Caring Huggs, Kisses and love

:Spencer R6
gspencer@idolo.com "The Romeo and Juliet Chronicles,
Part 6: Romeo and Juliet Have a Son"
Copyright 2001 All Rights Reserved ISBN 1-58898-428-1

EMAIL:
Date: Sat, 6 Jul 2002 08:34:08 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mac Stryper
Subject: Re: "The Best Fourth I ever had!" . . .
To: gspencer


Guvner's Post Independence Day Whispers!



. . . Was that just the sweetest thing you ever heard! Awwww! Stars n' STRIPES forEVer! And bringing over a carton of cigs and a maxed out train ticket was equally the sweetest thing I ever saw! Thank you for spending the afternoon with us, we really, really needed that! Did I say "US" - "WE"? Uh, I mean, woah, rewind, Joe, and "I". And, even though it is obvious, Joe just adores you.

Frequent Flyers from the best 4th on record. In case you couldn't tell. (And, I had the best 3rd AND 4th, JUST, last year, with my hairy Spaniard, Candido, up to THAT year. But that was not even in the same hemisphere of comparison to THIS one!) AND, there is no topping, lying on the floor, holding hands with the half-naked god-son - JoSEPH, with my Spencer, watching over the property, while I was zooming upon etheral jet-streams, I made it just about twice around the world, on that trip! And, again, soaring, lying out on the beach towels, at Inspiration Point, Independence Day 2002 - I must have been gone for awhile, cuz I sure don't remember where the time went. But, it flew! Time only stops for me for a few things. One is my music. Another is with you. Since day one of meeting you. Another was with this new child, since day one of meeting him. No wonder I look so young! I knew there was a logical explanation. . .

. . .

I just tried reading my coffee / hot chocolate cup. I don't really know how to do that, but I thought it might be easier than it appeared. My interpretation has me awestruck. Or maybe saw-truck-ed. Hah! There was a beautiful flowing motion. It was the same view as one would have, if you were flying above the world, looking down on clouds, continents, and oceans. The macrocosm. Within the macrocosm are the microcosms. Shapes form in the white foam, (continents) sometimes moving together, (in the ocean,) then apart. Just like the astronauts saw Mother Earth. Apollo 13? They were awestruck. In fact, so much so, they had to go thru a rather intense de-briefing. They saw a living breathing "thing" out there. And it was powerful.

. . . Okay, back to the coffee cup - (a big blue cappacino cup)

. . . Just now, there was the ying and the yang, moving in together to form one. Perfectly symmetrical, as they (it) should be.) It became a new body. Like an eye. This eye swam alone in the cup. Suddenly, a second eye appeared, in the shape of a ying or a yang, a teardrop, perhaps. The two eyes began to move together, but did not touch. They kept their distance. A membrane protected them from touching. Came close, but did not touch. Then, out of nowhere, a third eye appeared, and when it did, they all decided to come together to form a face, then the first two eyes merged together into one, engulfing the tail of the third. And when all were one, they gracefully spelled out the letter "M" - which swam untouched and unbroken in the coffee cup, for several minutes, gracefully, boldly - while I typed the first part of this letter - until, finally, it merged into the eternal ring around the now-white-chocoloate colored surface - making the "halo" - accented by a dark, inner ring. The Corona.

And with that, I toast the joy of meeting you! (smacking lips!)

EMAIL Sent: Friday, July 05, 2002 8:33 PM

Spencer, here is the copy I intended to send you, (next PP) with some insight into what is going on. Just got off the phone with our boi, and the Mayor, and he is happily awaiting your arrival! I am so relieved to know that my fellow Arch-Angel is watching over him, tonight. So thankful for YOU! And, The Mayor SAVES the day, once again! Spencer Saves my conscience from worrying. I can lay this weary head on my pillow, knowing our boi will be safe from the Dark One, for one more night! My soul leaps for joi! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! HUGS, KISSES and MICROSOFT DREAMS, my ANGEL!

. . . . . . . . . . . .Letter to Karol:

"Hello My Dearest Karol, Am back at work, today, so am forced to be in front of a PC. It has been a whirlwind of a week, to reiterate.This delicate head has not been where it is accustomed to being, the past week, and an explanation to my whereabouts, was not an easy task for me, and I needed time to compose and collect. This is my first attempt to do that, and I present it here, below, in a nutshell, beginnig last Monday, when I errantly, and most unexcusably, missed your call. . . Other than oversleeping, the day began, just as planned, but would turn OUT to be a day, unlike ANY other

. . . . It was a busy business day for most. It was my Saturday, It was also the Mayor's Homecoming Day. My friend, Richard, "the mayor" , being newly retired from office, had just returned from his 17-day whirlwind tour, - visiting every major point of interest in London. Saw the Queen wave dolefully, and alone, from a single carriage, at the Birthday Coronation, saw her again, at Royal Ascot.

He enjoyed his very first High Tea at Harod's, saw Sampras lose at Wimbledon, (lusting the entire match after his body, he later confided,) went to 2 operas, saw 2 of the best Shakespeare plays, he had EVER seen - one at Stratford on Avon, and the other at Shakespear's Daughter's house, saw the Madonna concert, and also the new Andrew Lloyd Weber Musical! I imagine it was one of the funnest vacations, a person could ever spend.

Continuing . . . We were to meet for lunch at my favorite place, (Panera, which is near the health club, the salon, health food store, and other major points of interest, on my daily schedule - situated conveniently and on this day, luckily, on Clark and Diversey.)

Some very good sight seeing, there! And, I know a lot of the regulars, there; Michael, the owner of a local Hair Salon, and there's Jerry, a Sculpture Artist, and of course, Ray, an old friend of Michael Laridon's and myself, now working at yet another hair salon, just up the street, etc. I look forward to the quaint, and familiar faces, each day, saying "hi", "how have you been", and filling each other in on our week's events, overhearing conversations about one another, sharing cigarettes, (or in my case, cigars,) or just offering a friendly handshake, now and then, as we chance-meet together, at the same time, and place, almost every day.

Except for the brief handshakes, and pleasantries I exchange with the locals, I usually dine alone. Alone in the crowd. Or alone, and alone. So, needless to say, I really look forward to my weekly lunch dates with the mayor, and he, with me, especially, looked forward to last Monday, to revel in his brave tales from abroad, (and a bonus treat - to open the surprises he toted back for me, YAY - English Breakfast Tea from Buckingham Palace!) Afterward, I planned to stick around and finish up a sketch, for my Spencer's book, and double-treat-of-treats - happily looked forward to yet aNOTHER meal, accompanied by my Twin and Fellow Arch-Angel, (as opposed to arch-enemy???) (Spencer) at Grillers, (the cafe, in the building where he works!) Well, continuing - the mayoral homecoming at Panera

. . . It was a gloriously hot Chicago day, the kind of day you lust for, some nine brutal months out of the bitter and windy chicago year. I knew I would have a hard time focusing on my project, and I also knew the mayor would be feeling "frisky", two things which were sure to distract me, I had work to do, and had been putting it off for weeks.

The deadline I had set, set again, and RE-SET had been postponed for the LAST time. And, I was determined to press on - to completion! Sometimes, we go back to the mayoral penthouse for some afternoon delight! Sometimes we have sleepovers, and go out to dinner, or the Symphony, or just play some piano, and spend a quiet evening together. But, Monday, we both had other and separate dinner plans, but, had a couple of hours to kill, just "hangin'" out, hearing each other's tales from the past couple of weeks. There had been MUCH to catch up on, tooI really like the mayor. (Not as a "lover", per se. Just as a close friend, and sometime playmate.) We both find this is a very comfortable relationship, and there is no possessiveness, no responsibility, no expectation, other than our one day a week get-togethers. We are very comfortable together, or apart.

Either way! We've known each other for seven months, now - having met at a rather risque New Year's Eve party, and have easily managed to stay in touch, ever since. Just as a side note, to explain how much we have in common; He was the Director of the Fine Arts something-or-other in Kalamazoo, MI, for several years, where they host the Van Cliborn Piano Competition, et.al., and is an expert in most areas of classical music. And as a sidenote, he is even moving his piano to Chicago (just got divorced,) as soon as he gets his new carpet in. So, anyway, the Mayor showed up, on time, at the designated time, and we sat down in the outdoor cafe, under a 90-degree sun, to open presents, and have our wonderful lunch.

As we were well into our lunch, watching all the people go back and forth, (many of which are going to and from the health club, next-door, providing VERY nice eye candy,) an exceptionally, rare, young 20-something, dirty-blonde cub came swaggering up and set up court, at the opposite end of the cafe from us. - It imMEDiately caught our eye! Both. All four! HAH! Young cub sat down, immediately stripping off his shirt, giving us all a show, - great, classic Italian chest, pecs, trimmed, or "clipped" hair, as they call it, maybe 5'9, 155 lbs. lightly muscular - kind of like a kickboxer's body - and getting "hit" on by virtually every person that came up and sat down all around his table.

He was laughing, telling everyone stories, walking back and forth thru the restaurant with a new person, each time, getting refills on soda, etc. As the mayor and I continued our pleasant "homecoming" reunion, I noticed, the young pup kept looking back, over his shoulder, (had his back to us, by then,) catching my glances. Oh - at least 10 times! Hah! I wished to GOD we had sat next to him, I swore to myself, as I was SURE we would have been wildly embraced, by now! This one was MINE! Save for a cruel twist of fate, to be encumbered with mayoral paraphernalia, and situated at the worst possible table, in proximity to HIS! DRAT!

The afternoon wore on, and the mayor and I remained at our table, and I remained steadfast to my task of skethching, as I wanted to be able to have a finished product for Spencer, later that afternoon. (I am illustrating the second edition of one of his books, which I may have mentioned, a few hundred times, "The Romeo and Juliet Chronicles, Part VI - Romeo and Juliet have a Son.")

Romeo, remained planted, and had me so dam distracted, I was chancing a pop out, mid day in front of all the customers, in my smallest of small workout shorts, which I had mistakenly managed to wear that day! Oh, Karol, the twinkle in this cub's eye, his friendly personality, quite a rarity for these parts, his mirth, and his apparent "ease" with everyone, around him. It was all I could do to keep shifting positions, to keep myself from being exposed to the rest of the restaurant!

. . . At last! Finally my turn to go back inside to get our refills, (the mayor had enthusiastically made the last trip!) My route was well-planned. I would line-drive a course, directly past his table to get see if what I was really seeing was not just some mirage! I was able to distract our shining cub, for one brief second, while he was talking to this other guy, next to him, and was able to make eye contact!

WOW! Scored! A nod from me,and an automatic reflex I have never been able to control - that arching left eyebrow - somehow managed to catch his twinkling eye, and a handsome smile -which although only for a brief moment, seemed to last for an eternity! I regrettably pressed on, to the pop machine, pumped the lever for ice, and just as I was about to make my return voyage, wonder of wonders! Who just happened to be standing behind me, when I turned around???

My mouth became like putty, moving, but the tongue not cooperating. I slowly formed the words, "Are you going to be here awhile? And, "would he care to join us at our table?" How did I manage to get those words out??? A mystery, I don't care to analyze, looking back.

My shining cub was equally, tongue-tied - wasn't exactly sure what he said, back to me, other than something about noticing my cute butt, walking by, and how I had my bare leg (set to the maximum daytime exposure in my small work-out trunks, btw,) up on the chair, outside, providing him with an equally distracting show! Well, as we were trying to walk back outside, with our freshly-filled drinks, tottering, precariosly in nervous hands, on our journey together, all the while, beaming like old school chums, and trying to talk with leaded tongues, the both of us.

All I remember thinking was - THIS has GOT to be a DREAM! And WHAT am I going to do with the MAYOR, if he DOES take me up on my spur-of-the moment OFFER! As we sauntered back outside, to my utter surprise and delight - he grabbed up his things, and said goodbye to the guy at the neighboring table, and, indeed, joined the mayor and I, at our table, for an afternoon of the most wonderful calibre - and a shared journey through his past 2 days, of the most bizarre events, you could EVER imagine. . . . . . . To be continued!

Our time has been spent side-by-side, almost exclusively, since that afternoon, and had it not been for having to come back to work, this morning, I would happily be on another, amazingly wonderful afternoon adventure, with him, right now! Well, that is my story, and I'm STICKIN' TO it! Thanks for the wonderful card, and hope you are busily packing, for the MOVE BACK HOME!!!!! YAY! - Love Forever and Ever, AMEN! - Steely Steve!

God Bless Our Beloved Dodie, who is now in peace, looking down on us, from back in God's Garden! P.S. I had lunch by my special memorial site, and her face is still looking up at me, untouched, since the day I shed so many tears, fashioning it with the heart-shaped stone and all. Her spirit has never left Chicago, I am happy to report. Luvs and Huggs, my Precious! "

----------
EMAIL:
From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: Top of the Morning to You . . .
Date: Fri, 5 Jul 2002 12:04:46 -0500

. . .top of the morning to the top of the nights.
Hey MySteveMan! Good morning, what is left of it. A flying SteveMan, damn I loved watching your face yesterday, it felt so good all over my soul to see the look in your eyes. Wow! I'm teary eyed just thinking of it.

I don't know where this is going. It is closed to me right now. I know I love you very much, I know that grows everytime I am with you and I know that washes over to Joe; as it would wash over to anyone who makes you look the way you did yesterday.

I told you yesterday about my conversation with Nathan, TeaseBoi knows I have the hots for him. I told him that I was sure I would be sitting outside at our picnic smoldering with jealousy and hoping I could have him there to hold. Slap my face will you, MySteveMan. Slap it hard; we know he's not for me.

Oh, yes, I was writing an email back to Killer and told him, or somebody, that Louis and Ray did not show up for the picnic. I did not catch that until last night when I was typing out the names: "Louis" and "Ray" Luis Rey, Luisito! His professional name: Luisito Rey! Yikes, talk about something that probably should never happen! Perhaps something that has to happen? Reality check that will you MySteveMan?

Now, tell me what I am to do? No, maybe there is no telling me what to do. We don't do that with each other, we just light our torches for the other to see the paths in front of him. You are Michael to me, as ever the First Friend who shows up for the final battle to prepare, to fight at each other's side.

How much don't I say?

By this time you are preparing for BTN for lunch. Have you been preoccupied this morning? I know I would be; very much so. I hope the day goes well in all aspects. It is noon, I best get myself cleaned up for the day. I had a decent night's sleep but for at 4AM when all those fireworks were going off!
I thought someone was trying to break through the roof! It only lasted a short while. I never experienced that before, its my third 4th here in this place (how uncanny, again, the third fourth). Did you see it or hear it?

Talk soon, please, I know you have little time - now, no time really. Muchos Abrazos
Muchos Besos Muchos Cariños Muchos Amores :Spencer
---------------

Date: Fri, 05 Jul 2002 14:22:21 -0400
From: SixthRomeo@aol.com
To: cubstryper@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Pussycat Master II - Bombs Bursting in AIR!

:-) Pictures that are each worth thousands of words and heart beats. What can I say? Cute as a bug's ear! (love the midwesterner lingo) Thank you for reminding me that I do use this account sometimes and I should watch for replies to it. Spencer, Spencer, Spencer, you need help. Love :Spencer

---------------

July 4, 2002 EMAILS:

From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: Buenas Dias!
Date: Thu, 4 Jul 2002 06:50:36 CDT

Hola EsteveHombreMio! Hola JosePabloMio!

A beautiful morning because you are in it. 'Had a good night's sleep, not terribly long but solid and restful. 'Will give you a call in a little bit; after I am ready for the day. I recognize the tone and content of your email. I think it is here. Things are happening for reasons, we know that, we act on them because we have no choice; it is our nature. You and I, the people we are drawn to; those drawn to us. There is a purpose here. Paths set, taken, embarkations, destinations, training; so it begins.

Give my huggs and love to PussyCat, JoePaul and MySteveMan. Talk soon

Muchos Abrazos Muchos Cariños Muchos Besos Muchos Amores. :Spencer R6

---------------------

From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: Third on the Fourth . . .
Date: Thu, 4 Jul 2002 22:18:58 -0500

. . . wish it were more; however, two's company, three's a crowd and four is just a fucking gangbang.

Hey, MySteveMan! I hope you are comfortably sleeping by now or comfortably being comfortable(?) logging frequent flyer miles way beyond anything on the Mayor's account. Says Spencer, tendering walking around the edges of propriety.
Thank you for the afternoon, you and Joe and sweet under the weather or over the weather pussycat. Viewing your art work from your book is a treat.
Fantastic stuff. Viewing artwork for my book! Fantastic stuff! I wish I did not have to wait for JT to return from West Palm Beach to finish the Spanish version of the book. I'd like to be working with all these things with you really soon.

You have a really good day at work, I wish this afternoon could have turned into more of an evening but it is another situation come the morning. Sitting here this evening I typed some more of Fernando's chapter out for him but I had to stop, my eyes are very tired and so is the rest of me. I had a great afternoon. Thank you again.
Love Huggs Kisses Caring :Spencer
-------

Wednesday July 3 Emails:
EMAIL:
From Spencer:
Subject: Discover Josh Groban, listen to his new CD!
If you do not hear music in a few seconds, go here:
http://www.buzztone.com/josh/

EMAIL:
Date: Wed, 3 Jul 2002 21:04:42 (CDT)
Subject: Re: Updates and Frequent Flyer Rewards!
To: gspencer

Guvner's Long Overdue Report . . .

It has been one incredible journey, to say the least, this past week. I have been taken on an incredible journey, from which there is no turning back. Things will never be the same, that is an understatement. I must apologize for the lapse in our incredible correspondence. You are right on in what you say. The Joe is a modern-day marvel! This creature has been given gifts, beyond what even I imagined. He has recently become a man, and, like us all, is now experiencing the journey of "becoming" that.

He has extraordinary talents. He has many of the same parallels as you, as I. He is special, beyond a doubt. He has almost been destroyed. He has been protected by the Divine. He will have much power and influence over men. Over nations. He is watching. He is learning. At an extraordinary pace. And, yes, it is overwhelming - but not overwhelming HIM. He is above it. He IS it. He will not cross over to the Dark One. Not while I am here. Nor while you are here. I think is will be one of the Universe's Greatest Victories!

Yes! You will NOT believe the horrible forces of Evil nor the unspeakable atrocities that are coming against him. Right now, as he sleeps at my side. More things, just in the past 3 days. Way more than most men could ever comprehend. We will see you, tomorrow. We must ensure that he sees you. Pray as if it were 1999! It will take both of us. This is way bigger than I, singular. This is nothing for us.

My pillow and my shirtsleaves have been soaked with tears, both our tears. All our tears. But, tears of support, yes, I cannot lie, tears of desperation to survive, of the success of survival, and the hope of success. Great, Overwhelming Success. "Better than Okay", Success. I dream(ed) important dreams. They were not idle, senseless, storybook dreams. They were portents. Portent dreams. Now I understand. The battle is on, and the victors are in this "room", right now. The shadows of the real losers still loom, I can taste and smell their smoky charred coattails. They are sickeningly acrid. But they are but smoldering ash. They have understood the "No Vacancy" sign on my doorstep, covered in Lamb's blood. And I am not afraid. I play with warriors. I comfort them with soft kisses. The "angel dust" from the keys, from which I play, has mixed into the dirty blonde tresses, surrounding raw souls with Edenic kisses.

It has taken every ounce of my energy and time. You already understand. Your daily emails, go unanswered, yet you somehow know there is a bigger picture. You are a warrior. Unlike the others!

My charge has just awoken, my time is short. Call as soon as you can, in the morning. I shall try to be near the phone by 10am. All the shopping is done, except potato salad, cole slaw, baked beans, and the bevrages. The grill is coming at 3pm. I think I have everything else, ("Jesu, Joi of Man's Desire" is now playing in the background, complements of your incredible link to Josh Groban. He is a Divine Marvel. There is no mistake! - Good call - Fernando!!) Cannot wait to see, talk and be with you, tomorrow.

Your spirit has been here, all week. I have felt it quite strongly. Am greatful for that. So very happy for that.

- Yes, tomorrow - TODAY! YIKES - Sweet, sweet slumber, signing off for a brief night's sleep.

Steveman MSM . . ."

Wednesday, July 3, 2002 "Night Moods"

From: "gspencer"
To: "Mac Stryper"
Subject: "Night moods . . .

". . . working on those night moods, looking for the right moves, nothing left to lose." - paraphrasing Bob Seeger.

Hey MySteveMan!

I'm glad our timing was good last night. I am glad Joe's timing was good, I am glad your timing was good. There is nothing like divine intervention to cue us into taking action and taking stock. It sounds like you had a very good night; abeit sleepless after Seattle (Starbucks, forgive me).

No pictures yet, though, you have not had the time to work on them and that is a good thing. Focus, decisions, actions. It's not a wren in the window this time or on the pavement at Chicago and Wabash picking crumbs from a muffin. It's you, it's another Steven Rhodes; he represents's millions of young lads who never had a chance at survival, at life or at love.

He's a reminder of a failed Spencer who let George/Jorge go because Spencer couldn't deal with cleaning up the mess if he couldn't kiss the boy on his mouth and tell him he loved him. I'd say I'd burn in hell for that but I know I won't, its an finite number of chances in an infinite number of lives and times. He's a reminder of many boys over whom I bruised my soul.

In this case, he is your charge. I'll help watch, I will help as much as I can since he's part of your life, you are a part of mine; my loving you is my loving him, my loving DH, my loving the Mayor, my loving your friend Dodie.

You had quite a successful day; back massage, soul massage, job interviews, work, employment, learning curves and curbs. Whew. I am on to the morning routine and out to work. Y'all have a great day.

Huggs and love for MySteveMan and JoeMark (hopefully losing the Mark part and putting back the Paul part, [Joseph Paul Greene] another JP! Juan-Pablo/Joseph Paul)."

:Spencer

Date: Tue, 2 Jul 2002 06:34:53 CDT


Enter JuniorSubject: Re: Thank you, thank you, thank youX10000!
To: gspencer

Morning Cums Early, Guvner, SIR!

" . . .Your are THE ARCHANGEL! . . . Joe [Junior] just left - I have PICtures! Joe got himSELF up at 7:30 - no alarm - we got him fitted with some nice clothes, out of the Mac summerstock wardrobe. Last night, he remembered he had court, this am - (something he said they will "throw out") - and he remembered, as he was trying to call his parents - so knowing how he is with remembering dates, it seemed legit. I'm meeting him at 11am at BT Central, and I'm going to try to talk to the building mgr (the highrise, above Panera) - to try and get some of his things. He was 100% sober, and laughing, this am, he is so "touched" by what you did for him, and what we did, sure, last night, he was just glowing. (I gave him $20 and some singles to get downtown.)

I'm sending him over to some of the moving companies, after lunch, and he is GETTING a job, or going back to the slimepits, no ifs, ands, or butts! Personally, I think he has a much better chance of getting his act together, if he stays away from those people, back home. From what I've heard, they're basically bad news. He was doing fine, until he got
mixed up with that crack head - something he doesn't even do. He was really doing some soul searching, about the drinking, and the dope - don't really think he will totally quit, but, he seems to understand how it has f-d him up.

We stayed up talking for hours and hours. I finally got him to lay back in my arms, and gave him a mac-massage - then he just melted, and we went to bed - did some JO stuff, and talked for at least another hour, allthewhile, fooling around - frontal wise, that is. That's it. Neither came. I think it was just the best, that he wanted to get naked, get loved, and really, just talk. (I have been "wet" since lunch, yesterday, needless to say. YOUCH!) I told him I wouldn't post his pics, but I fully intend to get his permission today, to email them to you, his "angel"! He really wants you to help him write his book, he mentioned that several times, after we left.

I showed him some pics of you and the bois, and played both of Mickey's CDs, that I have, and even showed him the idolo.com site. He wasn't really that familiar with Mickey, but really liked his music, and his photo, JT's, too. I don't think he ever caught the Spencer connection - and I didn't think it was too necessary to call attention to it. You had him the first moment you met. I'm really not sure, what his "type" is, but he is into guys, not girls, and I'm thinking he is into older, rather than younger. But, definitely, "our" type - if there IS such a thing. I was having major fantasies about that - both pros and cons, what can I tell ya!

He was a callboy for the parents' escort service, and he has worked on the "business" end of it, now, for the most part, and most recently, as far as his involvement. He has been sent as an "enforcer" and "collector" in this very building, as well as other buildings, right here on the "strip".

Oh, and his mother is actually a Koch (?) - pronounced "Cook" - a prominent banking family, back in Princeton, IN - and she married into the husband's escort service - essentially. It is all hush, hush, in her family, and I think she is the "rebel" only child.

From what I gathered, Joe is being taught to make his own way in life, to "grow UP". And if he lives thru this, I think he will not be wanting for too much, the rest of his life. Meaning, he stands a good chance of being very well provided for. He is taking all this, WAY too well, for it to be anything, other. In my opinion, anyhoo.

In the meantime I'm watching and learning from this amazing creature. What a story THIS has been! I want it to have a happy ending, definitely. (Heard him on the phone, last night, telling everyone about the "GREAT" people he had met that day.) "GOOD" people, in other words. I just broke into a big ole smile, out in the kitchen, hearing him talking about us.

Honestly, I think that is a "first", hearing that being a major topic of conversation, from someone who's just described the past 48 hours from the eyes of a derelict. I had tears welling up in these steady eyes, witnessing him from inside the window of the coffeshop, last night. I gotta tell you, the image of him, under the weight of this crazy world, seared a hole right thru me. On the other end of the spectrum, I look at a guy, like the Mayor's boi, and I just want to smack him up side of the head. I'd never admit that, tho. Joe and I, both picked up some degree of attitude from the Mayor, yesterday, upon hearing the details of his story. I explained, later, last night, that the mayor has been behind an executive desk, virtually his entire adult life, and was just not accustomed to these kinds of things. I doubt he'd ever HEARD a story even CLOSE to Joe's, EVER.

But, further, explained that he is watching and learning, with an open mind - not just judging, as it may, at first seem. I am very proud of our mayor, and it puts another big "ole" smile on this face, to be able to say that. Well, speaking of which, I have exactly 20 mins. to get to BT [Panera on Diversey] to meet them. Zoomin' Will get to a phone, this day! YES! - Bear huggggggs - SMOOCH!
Steveman MSM!"

Mon. July 1, 2002

(The July Monologues - Begin)

Letter To Spencer
Subject: Meanwhile, back in AMERICA!


" . . .Morning of Noteworthy Notes, (Guvner, SIR!) Yes, it was one of those evenings we'll remember, and look back on and cherish! It was just one of those gloriously, spontaneous times, that seem to illuminate the memory like a floodlamp! We were both just enjoying life, so much! Those (these) are the times that you wait an entire lifetime for. Just to have the freedom to take off some evening - not HAVING to be anywhere, or DO anything - take a walk - without your socks - pull up a chair at a local "cafe" and the company you are with just "shines", (I was so "into" our conversation, I didn't even remember there "being" anyone else around, except for "Forgotten in America Girl."

I enjoyed my time with you, in fact, it (time) pretty much "stood still" - and that is pretty much the biggest "KICK" in the seat of the pants to TIME, there can ever be, yes? It makes this wolf absolutely HOWL with laughter! AAAOOOOWWWW!
Some wish to take a bite out of crime, I LIVE to take a bite out of TIME! NOOO STOPPIT!
I think I just added 5 years to my life span, from that! So, my compliments to you, for accomplishing that superb time-warp! You are just the best! "Let's Dooo - the TIME Warp - aGAIN!" - (RHPS). . ."

" . . . Gathering my art materials, to head out to BT Central, [Panera on Diversey] before the crowds hit. Zoomin' with energy, today - and my hands are not shaking - so I am going to have a finished sketch, by day's end, it appears! I am so excited, this heart has a big ole smile, to match the one on this scruffy face! Will try to make it up to Swiller's, at 5:30 - German will be so glad to have saved my glasses! Will be starving, by then, too! Can't wait to show you a sketch.
Well, better kick it into high gear, or I'll never get outta here. (I have saved at least a couple hours not having MacStryper work, this am!) It was the right decision! NICE! - Zoomin' Steveman MSM - over and out! See you in a little bit, HONEEEY! Bye! . . ."

Sat, June 15, 2002

[Spencer's Dream + Comments on my previous dream]

". . . sleep and vague recognizable dreams.
Hey My MacMan, My Steve MacSteel, My Steely Man! Awake not too late last night, broken sleep, awake too early.
I do have some vaguely recognizable dreams. Nice pleasant outings with nice people, you among them, a happy shining
MacManMio (M3) visiting me in my sleep with friends and family. Outings to outdoor restaurants in the tropic, lush landscapes with walks, drinks, meals, discussions, outdoor torch light on pitch black nights with palm fronds waving in a light breeze the sound of surf always around the corner. M3 always telling me to leave when something bad is about to occur. Nothing bad ever does occur because I am always out of there before it happens. Should the dreams be memorable? JT is in the setting with us, so is Amr and Nathan and a host of other handsome lads accompanying M3 and Spencer. . . ."
". . . More dreams of dark tropical settings (MacManMio/Chihuly influenced perhaps?) breezes, tropical formal attire, the feeling was there, the warmth and humidity of a tropical night, the ocean in the air. Being seated at a table for 4 by MyMacMan, 2 young fellows with extraordinary tans and shining faces waiting for us to
sit.

Your dreams! Angels protecting M3 or is M3 the angel protecting everyone else? Suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, taking them on himself as a shield for others?
MyMacMan protecting his Guvner and the characters that occupy Standerton?
Helping to protect his mind while deliberately, possibly foolishly, wandering in the realm of the dark lord? Doing the same for the Mayor? M3 wanting to do that for Dave who's been marked to mask something inside of him that M3 knows shines like the sun off of a still pond of deep pure waters? What are you taking whacks for? M3 one of God's captains of legions?
Trip to Peru, the birthplace and early years of JT, his mom hiding him from what she thinks is the uncaring Spencer. Peru, also with untold and unsuspected horrors from the past: Did you know where Lucifer's legions vacationed when the Christ child made his appearance in the mid-east? Where they returned with a vengeance on the retreat of the lord of light and his subsequent appearance in the Americas?
M3 wanting to visit the mountain playgrounds of the ones with broken, bent, dark leathery wings. The place where they played with those of the city of gold. The gold is the color of their skin, the skin of the ones they tormented and tortured, streams of fallen angels born into the bodies of beautiful Peruvians wreaking havoc across their own lands and peoples across the Americas.
Go for it! If you can, do it! Sounds marvellous, gaze on the embalmed bodies which once carried the scarred and burned spirits of Lucifer's legions. Some of them, I am sure, warred against Amset and Michael in the skies over the northern territory. Do it for the holidays, it couldn't be more appropriate. . ."

Friday, June 14, 2002

[Interesting Letter from Spencer]

His name is Richard. [Spencer's Titan Contractor at the USRRB] - Men with the name Richard are heartbreakers for Spencer. The fellow who sutured my knees when I was a lad of 16 and visited me at home. His DA greased hair, his black leather jacket, his tight levis, his Canoe cologne, his silky long straight black chest and belly hair, long long legs - yikes. My heart is pounding just remembering that. Fuck!
I fit under his arm like I was born to be there. Another Richard, heart throb, and yet another. Oh, oh, not another! King Richards all. We have an ancestor that was one of the Barons witnessing the Magna Carta, yes, maybe some connection deep deep within.

Thursday, June 13, 2002
[interesting suprise end to the day]
". . . A wonderful surprise, riding home, last night - stopped at Oak Street Beach for what I believe were the first fireworks display of the season - coming off Navy Pier! Don't think there was a special occasion. Wonderful display. Many people were sitting on the rocks - I hummed the Star-Spangled Banner - (luv that tune) while the white-capped waves crashed (well, more banged) onto the shore! What a great climax to the day! Eh? . . . "

Tuesday, June 11, 2002

Had a fairly decent workout at gym, today. Yelled at the Manager for allowing raw sewage to be tracked all thru the locker room - careless workers rodded a drain - and then just walked out, tracking it all over, - leaving it an unspeakable mess! My friend William shouted - "Give em Hell, Steel!" as I left to flag down Bally's Finest. Bally-hooing, if you will! Humpff! Stopped by Sherwin's again - this time fresh Juice makin's! Yummy - Youth Tonic. Just finished my first glass - of the new batch! Carrots, Beets, Celery, Spinach, and Red Delicious Apples - all organic. A $16 cure for aging! Writing my Guvner, listening to Rimsky-Korsakov's - "Shaharazade" in the background on WFMT. Intended to work on updating my resume. Will put it on the Steve Rhodes website I've neglected and forgotten about! Links to all my fabulous websites (non-porn, but still fabulous!) Hope to get a Web-job, although there is only one lead, at this writing. And that is just a WEB Editor. That is also what I'd like to teach, if I had to choose a field. And there should be SOME need for that, I am sure. I don't think I will be teaching music, although, I may need to re-think that. It is not an easy job, but it is, logically, still a possibility.
Mayor should be safely in London, and is booked, solid, every night of his 17 -day stay! Meeting his jet-set, globe-hopping friend Trudy, there, tonight, I believe. Overheard his phone conversation, jubilantly exclaiming his plans, yesterday, back at the Penthouse! He blurted out that he is 55, yesterday, (after at least two bottles of Pino Grigio) much to my protests, as to not wanting to know. So, I guess he is happy and enjoying early retirement. "

Tuesday, June 11, 2002

[More on Judy Carmichael]

Judy Carmichael had some interesting words to say about teaching and performing, last nite! I have always toyed with the idea of working up a program to take around to the schools and the Park Districts. Have had zero help and inspiration, making it come to
fruition, tho. Energy and attitude are not there, after the day is done. She seems to have an abundant supply of both! Gave her a sweet kiss on the hand, for all the inspiration she bestowed on me! Really wanted to meet her, and thank her, but she kind of disappeared, after Steinway bitch and Director Dike stole the floor, after the performance. Drat! I was
in a band with a girl who kinda reminded me of Judy.

Drat! I was in a band with a girl who kinda reminded me of Judy. We haven't stayed in touch, but I think she just wanted to marry her beau, and settle down and have kids. Lived up in Crystal Lake.
She was actually our "Respond" Lady. (The company that supplied and stocked all our medical cabinets at USG). We just hit it off, from day one, and I ended up joining her Blues group and worked with them for about 6 mos., before they kept cancelling our performances, cuz they never seemed to be "ready!" We were really pretty good, too, I thought! She performed with Steve Arvey at Dick's Last Resort at North Pier, sometimes. (He was our guitarist, btw - Stunningly cute Jewish Cub)!

Tuesday, June 11, 2002

Some weird dreams last nite:

- of college dorms and Thanksgiving Dinner with turkey heads in the bowl! YIIIIKES! Must have been the parking ticket that tried to spoil my fun! Sounds like a bad movie! Another msg. from mother on machine, this am. She said she had a feeling I was not doing well, and has been concerned. She is the most caring mother, love her so much. This world will definitely not be the same place, without her.

Sunday, June 9, 2002

[email to Spencer, inre: Mayor's trip to London]

" . . . Mayor leaves for London Monday. Wants a goodbye fist, before he takes off. WooFFs! Did I say that? Sent a real nice email when he got back from the U of M fundraiser, Thurs. nite. His x-wifey is still the Director of Foreigh Affairs, there. Said he wore his most expensive duds, and waxed to the max for the affair! Had drinks with the party bois, at the mixer, afterwards. Found an interesting Lebansese boi toi- I'm sure they found SOMEthing to talk about! New Jersey Real estate! Ha! . . ."

Sunday, June 9, 2002

[Re: The fire in the hair dream, from yesterday]

I just did a quick search in the dream dictionary and found the following:

. . . "Hair is highly valued by most cultures. It is a symbol of vanity, security, sensuality, sexual appeal, and of youth. In some cultures women are not allowed to show their hair outside their homes. Wealthy men go through painful surgery and spend thousands of dollars to replace lost hair follicles. Needless to say, hair is a valuable dream symbol. It represents physical and spiritual strength. Samson's hair was the source of his strength and virility. In our dreams hair can represent our thoughts, knowledge, and reasoning. White or gray hair represents age and wisdom while body hair may symbolize protection and warmth. When interpreting this dream make attempts to identify a primary issue and connect it to a situation in your daily life. . ."

. . . "Fire


This is a very complex symbol that can have both negative and positive connotations. When interpreting this dream, you need to consider all of its details and your emotional responses in the dream. Fire can be a deeply spiritual symbol representing transformation and enlightenment. On the other hand, it could represent danger, anger, passion, pain or fear. Is the fire in your dream destroying something or simply warming you? Are you currently engaging in negative behaviors or are knowingly making wrong (or destructive) choices? (Yeah, my winning career path, and I use the term, lightly! ) Your unconscious mind may be warning you and at the same time encouraging you to alter those things in your life which may be hurtful and dangerous. . . "

Well, if THAT isn't a warning sign!!!!

Sunday, June 9, 2002

[Re: Response about school tuition cuts]

Spencer: ". . . Anixter moves, sucks, moves further from the city, moving out of business sale, don't like those things. Leaving Northwestern, the place that makes your eyes twinkle, not a good feeling in my heart over that. . . "

" . . . Email to Judy, so cool its hot. Nice of you to do that. . . "